New York City, NY—
President Donald Trump’s wavering support of NATO during the 2016 election has left America’s European allies uncertain about US-Euro solidarity, and its effects are apparent at the United Nations.
An aide for Trump’s UN Ambassador Nikki Haley, who requested anonymity, has vented to The Halfway Post that her boss is having trouble fitting in at the UN because of Trump’s abrasive “America First” style of diplomacy.
“Ambassador Haley hates that the other ambassadors and UN officials have taken out their frustrations with Trump on her,” said the aide. “She understands it comes with the territory of the job, but she wishes that the other ambassadors would give her a chance to prove she is her own person.”
Nowhere has Haley felt more left out than the rough and tumble world of the UN lunch room.
“I wish I could say that the UN cafeteria was a totally welcoming place free of social politics, but, unfortunately, it’s like middle school all over again,” continued the aide. “Various NATO members’ ambassadors have formed a sort of ‘mean girls’ clique, and they use their popularity to exclude Haley and other unpopular ambassadors to maintain a rigid social hierarchy. Nikki has tried to sit with them on numerous occasions, but they always tell her that they’re saving the empty seat at the end of the NATO table for another country. But that country’s ambassador never shows up.”
Haley has been forced to instead sit at the international “nerds” table, including ambassadors like the desperately shy Madagascar, the UN Secretary General’s pet Moldova, fat Kazakhstan, totally lame Gabon, and Uruguay, the country always ganged up on by UN bullies Saudi Arabia and Russia and called “Uru-gay.” The meanest of the NATO “mean girls” clique are a trio made up of Sweden, Germany, and Canada. The UN talent show is won every year by one of these three countries.
It remains to be seen if Haley’s uncoolness and lack of lunch room cred will affect President Trump’s foreign policy goals, but a White House staffer has told The Halfway Post that Trump, always attentive to appearances, is not happy that his UN ambassador can’t socially climb higher than fat Kazakhstan.
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