Matt Gaetz’s Favorite Pickup Lines For Paying Women For Sex With Cocaine

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

Matt Gaetz is allegedly (and apparently) a creepy, perverted, little coke addict, and has allegedly used public tax dollars to buy drugs for trafficked girls and women because, without fraud, theft and criminal friends, his only social life would be going down to the Congressional floor to vote against protections for sex-trafficking victims by himself.

The Halfway Post has reached out to some of Matt Gaetz’s friends, and they shared some of the following pickup lines Gaetz uses on women when he’s soliciting them for prostitution:

  • “Hey, Girl, you like guys with rich parents who still call their fathers ‘Daddy’ when asking for money?”
  • “Are you a rigged election? Cause you’re giving me an insurrection right now.”
  • “I got a Venmo transaction with the emoji of an eggplant in the description with your name on it, girl.”
  • “Hey, sweetheart, would you like a twenty dollar bill laundered from Florida by the tax collector of Seminole County to snort this mountain of cocaine?”
  • “Are you Obamacare? Because you are covering my pre-existing condition of horniness.”
  • “If you send me a nude, I’ll make sure the President of the United States sees it.”
  • “What age would you choose if you could have a fake ID with any age on it? Cause I know a guy.”
  • “On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight to do these coke lines?”
  • “You know, I’d like to filibust all over your chest.”
  • “Hey, girl, you’re looking at the only guy in Congress who voted against protections for sex-trafficking victims.”
  • “I have coke. You want coke? I’ll give you coke. Here, have some coke. Fine, more coke for me then! You’re ugly anyway! F*** you! You’re not getting a no-show job for my campaign!”
  • “I may just be really rolling on ecstasy, but your eyes are the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re also really bright. Can you turn them down a little?”
  • “Are you Joe Biden? Cause I’d love if you came down into my basement and never came out!”

More from The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Twitter here, Facebook here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here and subscribe to our Substack newsletter The Halfway Café here.

Leave a Reply