Washington, D.C. —
Critics of the Trump presidency might claim that the White House has “gone to the dogs” thanks to a dogged investigation into allegations of Russian collusion during the election, but if President Trump gets his way, it might just come true—literally.
Citing the extreme pressures of the office, along with mounting frustration at a grid-locked Congress, sources working in the White House report that Mr. Trump has begun begging Vice President Mike Pence to take him dog shopping.
“It’s a daily request. He brings it up during staff meetings, security briefings, whenever. The Vice President tells him to wait, but we can tell he’s starting to crack,” one source said, adding “I did notice petfinder.com open the other day on Mike’s laptop, and he’s been asking around about good vets in the D.C. area.”
The White House is no stranger to canine companions, and President Barack Obama’s pets Bo and Sunny have cast a long shadow on this new presidency. Speaking on the condition of anonymity, one senior staffer stated that Trump was determined to earn the privilege to a dog before April 14, 2018.
“That’s an important date for the president,” the staffer said. “It took President Obama 449 days to get a dog, and Trump is determined to show the American people he can do it in 448 days, or even faster. To that end, the President is doing his chores, attending White House briefings, hell, the President has even gone back to having just one scoop of ice cream with desserts to show the Vice President that he’s very serious about taking on the responsibility of a puppy.”
The Halfway Post reached out to the Vice President for an official comment, but Pence’s staff was tight-lipped about the President’s plans, stating only that “it has not gone unnoticed by the Vice President that Mr. Trump has done very well with his goldfish, and only forgotten to feed Mr. Bubbles a handful of times.”