President Donald Trump has once again stunned the world, this time with his announcement this afternoon that he was going to resign as President of the United States.
Trump announced first via Twitter, tweeting “I promised I would Make America Great Again, so to make good on that promise, I am officially resigning.”
The announcement caught even his own staff by surprise, and the White House communications staff scrambled to make sense of the decision. White House correspondents desperately hounded a dumbfounded Sean Spicer, White House press secretary, for information regarding the resignation, when Mr. Trump himself walked to the podium to address the press pool.
“As President, I’ve had one benchmark to help me make all decisions,” explained President Trump. “Before I decide anything, I alway ask myself, ‘What would Obama do?’ so that I can then do the opposite of whatever I think Obama would do if he were in my position. So I was sitting in the White House this morning wondering how I could combat all these fake news rumors of Russian collusion, and treason, and emoluments, and profiting off the presidency, and pee tapes, and blatant nepotism with my kids, and so on, and I gotta tell you, I was a little stumped. But then out of nowhere I get a call from Barack, and so I figure, why not ask Obama himself what he would do so then I can know for sure what the opposite would be. So Barack tells me that, if he were me, he would totally not resign, not ever. So I thanked Barack for his honesty, hung up, and knew the anti-Obama, Make America Great Again thing to do would be to resign. So effective right now, my great, beautiful Vice President, Mike Pence, is now President.”
Mr. Trump then thanked the Fox News and Breitbart correspondents for always being honest, informed CNN that he suggested President Pence imprison everyone who worked for the news network, and handed out signed copies of maps from his electoral victory over Hillary Clinton.
Mr. Trump was then whisked away by Marine One back to his New York City penthouse.
When asked for a comment about Trump’s sudden resignation, Mr. Obama only noted that he had also told Trump not to try out snipe hunting.
(Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)