Washington D.C.—
In a second Michael Steele dossier leaked exclusively to The Halfway Post, former British agent Michael Steele has alleged that Russian kompromat officials have not just recorded a pee tape of President Donald Trump, they also have recorded a poo tape as well.
The #2 Steele dossier alleged one poop tape reportedly confirmed by three separate British double agents in Moscow, though two of the sources were reportedly confident that Moscow had two poop tapes.
“One of my former contacts had personally seen one tape,” said one of the British spies in Moscow who reached out to The Halfway Post and of course requested anonymity. “Since Putin has realized that Trump is a political novice and is incapable of ramming Russian sanctions relief through a skeptical Congress, these kompromat tapes are barely state secrets anymore. Putin has been sharing the videos in top Russian intelligence community circles, and the most disgusting tape has been remixed several times with music added and comical visual effects.”
The Steele dossier alleges that the confirmed tape features Trump paying prostitutes to throw poop on a bed President Obama had previously slept in, but doesn’t elaborate on further details of the tape’s content. However, the dossier alleges that the tape is not for those with weak stomaches.
“My Russian informants told me that the prostitutes Putin used to compromise Trump demanded double the agreed upon rate as well as an advance on their next mission,” said the British spy. “Putin, upon watching the tape, actually gave the prostitutes triple the agreed upon rate.”
An anonymous American intelligence official spoke to The Halfway Post after hearing rumor of the exclusive we were writing, and explained that it is widely believed that Putin is likely readying to release the kompromat tapes he has of Trump in order to embarrass America globally, and is simply waiting for the most damaging moment in which to ruin Trump’s presidential legacy.
“But the joke is kind of on Putin,” said the American official, “Because the Trump-Russian collusion scandal is quickly being disclosed to the American media and people by intelligence community leakers in a strategy designed to flip Trump campaign officials against Trump in exchange for lighter treason sentences. The longer Putin waits, the less damage the tapes will do because Americans are pretty much already aware that their president is a messed up dude.”
Still, though, the tape is allegedly shocking.
“Donald Trump may be the most disturbed president America has had since President Polk,” said the American official, though he never described what made Polk competitive with Trump in this regard.
(Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)
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