Elephant Avenges Mother’s Death, Travels 7,000 Miles To Trample Poacher’s Mother in Kansas


Topeka, KS—

In an epic show of elephantine memory and cognitive ability, an elephant whose mother was killed three months ago by a poacher traveled an astonishing 7,000 miles from the African Sahel to Topeka, Kansas, to get even with the poacher.

Unfortunately for Doris Hopkins, mother of the poacher—identified as Samuel R. Hopkins—her son pissed off the wrong elephant.

The elephant reportedly found Ms. Hopkins in her two-door sedan while heading to church Sunday morning. The elephant rammed the side of the car a few times while Ms. Hopkins was stopped at a red light approximately three miles from her church, and then the elephant pushed the car down a hill into a forest.

The elephant followed, broke open the driver side door, and finished the bloody job. The elephant then took Ms. Hopkins’ teeth as payment for its mother’s tusks before retreating into the forest, and hasn’t been seen since.

The Topeka Police Department have warned local residents that the elephant may still be dangerous, and asked the community to report any sign or clue of the elephant’s whereabouts, but the community has been mum.

The police sergeant in charge of the investigation is not certain if the city simply hasn’t seen the elephant, or if Topekans are protecting the elephant in its quest for vengeance against the asshole poacher who killed its mother despite being on the protected species list.

Samuel Hopkins and his closest relatives have been placed in a police protection program, though the police note that if the Atlantic Ocean and half the continental United States weren’t enough to thwart the elephant’s revenge, the Hopkins family’s best hope is that the elephant’s bloodlust thirst has been quenched after Doris.

(Photo courtesy of Laurent de Walick.)

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