Like The Female Dragonfly, Melania Trump Fakes Death To Avoid Sex With Donald Trump

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Biologists have noted that female dragonflies fake their deaths in order to avoid having sex with unwanted males, and in a new The View interview with Melania Trump, the First Lady admits that when she first read that it inspired her to try out that technique, too.

“The only time Donald ever comes into my separate bedroom is when he is feeling frisky,” Mrs. Trump said. “But I am never in the mood. So I lay on my side, stick my tongue out, cross my eyes, and just try not to blink for as long as I can. I’ve actually gotten pretty good at not blinking, and I can hold my eyes open for about three minutes on average.”

This technique, she says, scares Mr. Trump, and when finding her apparently dead, he runs out of the room and leaves the White House entirely to avoid being a suspect in case she’s really dead.

“It works great, and it saves me a lot of trouble,” Mrs. Trump said. “Donald is practically double my age, and after all the allegations of sexual assault and the ‘grab them by the pussy’ remarks I told him I would never be romantic with him again. And let’s be honest, I’m three times as old as his ideal partner’s age anyway, so it’s not like that pig is too upset.”

Well done, Mrs. Trump.

(Photo courtesy of Marc Nozell.)

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