OPINION, not satire:
Bernie Sanders should follow every single one of President Trump’s ego-boosting rallies with a rally of his own the next night.
Bernie could convert many of Trump’s neo-Nazi, self-described deplorable supporters into social Democrats, and teach them how to detect Mr. Trump’s narcissistic, uneducated and inaccurate ramblings for the ridiculous nonsense that it is. Bernie could maybe even critique and fact-check Trump’s entire speeches in an impromptu educational class on how not to act as a public servant in a free democracy and society.
The best part is that Bernie could attract bigger crowds than Trump, especially if he billed his events as recurring Trump protests. Crowds would be huge, and they would go nuts for Bernie if the whole focus was to stand up and protest each of Trump’s surrealist flirtations with fascism. Love always wins over hate, and the epic counter-protests to recent Nazi rallies shows that Americans are ready and willing to stand up to the growing fascist threat in America.
And it would really get under Trump’s skin that Bernie’s rallies would be bigger. And better. Trump would get so upset that Bernie could probably derail the rest of Trump’s presidency (until his impeachment) merely by launching a crowd-size arms race. It would be all the Trump could talk about, and he would get depressed every day when the media reports accurately that Bernie’s crowd was objectively superior.
Such a competition would drive Trump literally insane, and he would rant compulsively about “fake news.” Maybe he’d break down. He’d certainly lie nonstop about his crowd sizes and maybe, finally start to convince his supporters that he’s full of shit when they can see for themselves their cities’ bigger reactions to Bernie.
Meanwhile, Bernie would get some amazing media coverage for his progressive and liberal ideas, coverage that eluded him when he was running for the Democratic presidential nominee as a supreme underdog. Bernie is clearly still considering a run for president in 2020, and it’s obvious that his progressive spirit is keeping him alive to ensure that America is not ruined for the Millennial generation. I wouldn’t be surprised if Bernie never died, and if after retiring from president in January of 2029 a flock of four bald eagles carried him up to Heaven.
For real: Bernie should harass Trump by always planning a bigger and better rally right after each one of Trump’s rallies.
What a lovely idea, no?
(Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)