Local Nazi Is Concerned That If Jews Control Everything, Maybe Jews Are Really The Master Race

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Spokane, WA—

A local neo-Nazi has reportedly been conflicted for several days over what seems like an inconsistency in his Alternative-Right ideology.

The Alt-Right Reddit meme groups in which Charles Fischer is an active participant routinely revolve around long threads of conversation blaming Jews for the world’s problems, filled with references to Nazi Germany, the Final Solution, and the holocaust—but just ironically, Fischer insists.

However, Fischer has gradually become aware of a paradox between the idea that “globalist” and “cosmopolitan” Jews are secretly in control of everything and pulling strings to maintain power over all world affairs, and the idea that Aryans are the master race who must dominate Jews.

“If Jews control everything right under our Aryan noses, how can we reasonably say that Aryans are the master race?” Fischer asked a Halfway Post reporter in a phone conversation yesterday. “If Aryans are really the master race, would not us Nazis be in control of everything? And, furthermore, why would we have lost WWII and the Third Reich if we are truly superior in every way imaginable?”

The Halfway Post reporter agreed that the two notions seemed paradoxical.

“And if Jews are such mongrels like we always joke, why is it so hard to tell Jews apart from other people, especially here in America? Of course its easy to spot Orthodox Jews, but they’re not really the ones typically suspected of controlling world events, are they? The overlord Jews blend in like regular people, and it’s weird to me that so many Jewish cliches aren’t applicable at all in finding them. My research into this has suggested that Hollywood, the media, and the government are just filled with Jews everywhere, but they’re completely indistinguishable from other people. It’s weird.”

The Halfway Post reporter explained that the Jewish conspiracy theories aren’t actually real, and Fischer eventually admitted that he would stop sharing memes related to the Holocaust.

“Another thing that has me conflicted is how funny some Jews are,” Fischer continued. “I’ve always loved Seth Rogen movies, and of course Mel Brooks movies, and I like Matisyahu, and actually Jews have contributed so much to culture, science, and philosophy in so many different nations that I always feel like a hypocrite by saying some of this stuff about Jews being sub-human. I mean the word we use for genius is literally the Jewish name Einstein. And they’re good with money, that’s a given. You know, maybe I should just cool it with the Holocaust jokes, because—if I’m being honest—I can list a lot of Jews who are much cooler and more successful than me. Maybe all this time I was just bitter that the Jews seem to have more social and economic success than me because I was led to believe these false conspiracies about them. Shit, I wish I could talk about this stuff with my Alt-Right friends, but they would just start putting those parentheses echoes around my name.”

Good luck with the critical thinking, Mr. Fischer.

(Photo courtesy of israeltourism.)

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