Donald Trump Furious That He’ll Be Imprisoned By A Guy Whose Middle Name Is “Swan”

Robert_Mueller,_2012

Washington D.C.—

The Trump-Russia scandal is boiling and threatening to explode with suspicion that President Donald Trump will attempt to fire Special Prosecutor Robert Swan Mueller III, and the recent discovery that the FBI has had the Trump transition team’s controversial emails since September is a big development.

The Trump Administration is threatening legal action, though of course Mueller received those emails lawfully from the General Services Administration, given the fact that transition emails are legally required to be saved and archived. There is no expectation of privacy on government-issued transition email accounts.

Long story short, the Trump team is livid, and President Trump himself is particularly upset that Mueller is no doubt very close to ending the Trump Administration.

Trump allies in Congress alongside Fox News have embarked on a giant smear campaign of the integrity of the FBI and Mueller himself, though no doubt the loudest voices are also incriminated in the giant Russian criminal conspiracy.

Trump, however, is furious that he is going to be taken down by a guy whose middle name is Swan. Robert Swan Mueller has run an airtight investigation with virtually no leaks, no mistakes, and no escape route visible so far for Trump and his criminal co-conspirators to weasel out of.

“Trump is just royally pissed because Mueller’s got such a girlish middle name,” said a White House aide who requested anonymity to talk shit on his boss. “Trump has gotten so bitchy about it. He was hoping if he did get caught in all of this, the prosecutor’s whole name would be something epically manly, you know, for the history books. Something like ‘Hank Bruce Armstrong,’ or ‘Dominic Honey-Badger King.’ But Mueller’s middle name is Swan, and you know Trump is all about optics.”

As a side note, The Halfway Post would like to wish good luck to any Trump team members who were interviewed by Mueller’s investigative team after September 1st, when Mueller reportedly received the emails that the GOP and Fox News are throwing a shit-fit about. 😀

(Picture courtesy of The White House.)

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