Sean Hannity Reads Donald Trump Supportive Twitter Comments Every Night Before Bed


Washington D.C.—

According to new reports from White House insiders, President Donald Trump talks to Fox News’ Sean Hannity every night in bed as he is falling asleep.

Mr. Hannity reportedly pulls up his Twitter account on his phone and reads Mr. Trump positive comments that random Twitter users post about his policies and tweet insults.

“I happened to be in the room one night recently when it was going on because Trump had asked several of us staffers to come up and brainstorm ideas for gifts for Melania’s birthday cause Trump had no idea what she liked, and it was one of the most creepiest experiences in my life,” said a White House staffer who requested anonymity to candidly discuss the odd occurrence. “Trump had Hannity on speaker phone so he didn’t have to hold the phone, and Hannity only picked out the most glowingly positive Twitter comments and interjected his own thoughts in response to each tweet, which were usually more creepily supportive than the tweets themselves. Hannity would say things like that Trump is incredibly brave for getting into Twitter feuds with girl scout troops, and incredibly smart for informing Americans about all the things that ‘most people don’t know,’ and that Trump is better looking than Justin Trudeau of Canada and Emmanuel Macron of France and more physically fit.”

According to sources, this routine typically lasts about 45 minutes before the President falls asleep, at which point Hannity then reportedly stays on the line and whispers subliminal messages for Trump’s dreams.

“So that night Trump fell asleep pretty early, and us staffers were just sitting there awkwardly because Trump had no idea what any of Melania’s hobbies or interests are so we had no ideas for birthday gifts except flowers, and then Hannity just starts whispering things through the phone. I guess Hannity forgot us staffers were in the room, and we heard some weird stuff, like he started saying ‘Fire Rachel Maddow because her ratings are higher than mine, fire Rachel Maddow, fire Rachel Maddow’ over and over, and ‘Fire Mike Pence and make me VP, fire Mike Pence and make me VP.’ This went on for a full hour of Sean just repeating these lines over and over in a soothing voice.”

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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