St. Louis, MO—
A brand new poll just released from Ruetapiac Polling shows that 93% of Americans think that both Donald Trump Jr. and Jared Kushner will burst into tears when they first hear the news that Robert Mueller’s FBI investigation into Russian collusion has indicted them and they are being arrested.
“It definitely appears that the American people are embarrassed to have two trust fund baby political neophytes running their family’s patriarch’s presidential campaign and transition, as well as administration in the case of Mr. Kushner,” explained the poll’s captain, Thomas Goddard. “In fact, our pollsters reported that the number one adjective that respondents associated with Kushner was “babyish,” and respondents frequently referenced his reported habit of calling his father ‘daddy.’ The second most common adjective provided by respondents was ‘squirrel,’ which kind of makes sense cause he kind of looks like one I suppose. However, for Donald Trump Jr. the top words picked by respondents to describe him were ‘douche’ and ‘greaser,’ probably because of the weird 80’s manner in which he slicks back his hair and his often sleazy Twitter posts trying too hard to pretend his family isn’t going to go to jail. Also, the whole cheating on his wife with an Apprentice contestant thing and then divorcing her was pretty screwed up. A lot of people polled said they think it’s just cliché that he would be a marital loser and douche like his dad. But yeah, the American people are in agreement. The nepotistic wannabes are unpopular. This is likely the most unpopular First Family in American history. And Trump and the older kids just got busted for treating their charity like a personal piggy bank. A whole family of criminals, imagine that. Meanwhile Ivanka and Jared just made $82 million while working in the White House. The poll also revealed that a full 73% of Americans agreed that the Trump kids should not be working in the White House, nor be profiting so much while Trump is supposed to be making economic and political decisions for the public interest.”
The poll surveyed 3,700 US citizens over the age of 18, and was conducted throughout the months of April and May.