Donald Trump Congratulates Self On Negotiating For Free Chips+Salsa At Mexican Restaurant

Washington D.C.

President Donald Trump’s Twitter account was abuzz today with self-congratulations for negotiating free chips and salsa from a Mexican restaurant.

The following are his published tweets:

“Ha! I owned Mexico so hard today at lunch! I sat down and noticed other tables had chips and salsa, so I told the waiter ‘Hey, I’ll give you a 20% tip if you can sneak me out chips and salsa from the kitchen!’ And guess what? He DID IT! I usually never tip more than 3%, but the chips were so great I actually kept my word!” (3:41pm)

“Take that Mexico! This is why I’m the greatest dealmaker, probably in history. I bet Obama never gets free chips and salsa anywhere he goes. He’s just not a bright guy. Thankfully, America has President Trump!” (3:47pm)

“I’ve done such great things for America. Maybe more than any President since Abe Lincoln, but he did such amazing things that no one could have guessed back then, and a lot of people don’t know this, but Abe was way ahead of his time, and did things that were just incredible.” (3:51pm)

“But I’m happy to be the 2nd Best President in history. After me it’s probably George Washington, who is in Third Place. He also did amazing things for this Country. A lot of people don’t know this, but he was actually our First President. I bet he didn’t have to deal with any Fake News. Nor Lincoln. So if you consider all the Fake News I have to deal with…” (3:59pm)

“…I’m probably a little better than Lincoln. I’ve certainly Accomplished more than him. I’d love to know if Lincoln ever negotiated Free Food at restaurants. Maybe he got a discount, but free? That’s probably only a skill for Donald Trump! I wonder what Washington would have accomplished if he had read The Art of the Deal!” (4:03pm)

“I probably would have won the Revolutionary and Civil Wars way faster, because no one is better at Military than me. I would have won in two years. I would have made a deal with the British and the South. A great deal. Everyone would have been so happy. Everyone would have been talking about what a great deal I would have made.” (4:08pm)

“The Queen of England actually told me that. She said a lot of British people are really happy Washington had been President during the Revolution, cause if Donald Trump had been President back then the British people would have had a much harder time!” (4:11pm)


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(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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