Following President Donald Trump’s latest claims that he’d accept election assistance from foreign countries, several Democratic presidential candidates explained they too would accept Russian assistance if it came in the form of Mr. Trump’s golden shower kompromat sex tapes.
“Listen, I want to take this sick fuck down,” explained Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “If a Russian oligarch wants to send me that pee tape, I promise I’ll put it up on a Times Square billboard until November 3rd, 2020! The FBI can watch it there like every other American once it’s up, because, for lack of a better phrase, that gift would be a golden shower for Democrats’ electoral prospects. I’d like to see mocking images of Trump’s junk mushroom up in public places all across America!”