Donald Trump Jr., Craving Individuality, Changes Name To ‘Emilio Thunder’

New York City, NY—

In a show of his individuality, Donald Trump Jr., son of President Donald Trump, has filed paperwork with the state of New York to legally change his name to Emilio Thunder.

Friends close to Trump Jr. have explained to The Halfway Post that Fox News’ fanfare for his recent Fox News book tour has boosted his confidence, and that he no longer wants to walk in his father’s shadow.

“He thinks that now is a great time to chart a new course and really start being his own man,” explained Don Jr. friend Stephen Miller, a White House employee of Don Jr.’s father. “Particularly because of the added attention his dad’s Presidency has brought to the Trump name.”

Don Jr’s name choice, however, has garnered controversial views given his father’s controversial statements on the hispanic population in the United States, but that, Don Jr. says, is part of the reason the name appeals to him.

“The Left is going to make a giant deal about this like they always do, I’m sure of it,” he said this morning in a radio interview with Tom Wilkinson of Wake Up Manhattan. “But I think it shows once and for all that the Trump family is not in anyway racist. My father clearly cannot be racist if his own son is hispanic.”

Wilkinson pushed back on the comment, asking if Trump Jr. realized that simply changing his name did not change his ethnicity, to which Trump Jr. accused Wilkinson of “gotcha journalism.”

“This is just proof that it’s the Left who are intolerant,” Trump said. “They’re always calling conservatives racist, but the moment I convert to Mexican they just get outright hysterical. I mean, which side is intolerant now? And why isn’t the ACLU, or Planned Parenthood, or Meryl Streep backing me up here? I’m a minority now, and they need to protect me. But you know the best part of my transition is that now I can make all the hispanic and illegal immigrant jokes I want because I am one, and Hollywood can’t say anything about it on Twitter because if they do say anything they’re the racists.”

The American Civil Liberties Union had not released an official statement at time of publishing, but The Halfway Post reached out to ACLU President Peggy Hollander, who texted back the following brief statement: “This is just wrong on so many levels.”

Trump Jr.’s chosen surname, while less controversial, is still a reactive choice on social media.

“Why not ‘Thunder?’” asked Trump Jr. “It’s f***ing awesome. ‘Emilio Thunder,’ on a titular level, demands respect. It’s like a movie star’s name. And now that I’m a famous book writer, maybe they’ll shop it around for a movie deal. It’s on the best-sellers list. Fox News totally loves it. I’m getting so much free promotion from them, and it’s not because of my dad. He doesn’t tell Hannity anything about me. I’ve only done like three business deals with him. And my dad only bought like ten thousand copies for me. Imagine that. The President of the United States likes my book. I bet if Joe Biden’s son wrote a book, his dad would buy at least thirty-thousand copies to make it a bestseller. Way more than my dad bought. Joe Biden’s son should learn some business sense from me. I get ahead all on my own. That’s why the Trump Organization hired me straight out of college. They could see I was so talented at business I could be a top executive immediately. And my grades weren’t even good. I’ve got Trump genius genes like my dad always said. So, yeah everyone, please buy my book. I only used three ghost writers to help me. I bet if Joe Biden’s son wrote a book, he’d have to have at least seven!”

Trump Jr. expects the name change to be finalized before the end of the week.

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(Picture courtesy of Sebastian Vital.)

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