Trump Says The Fake News Won’t Admit He Brought “Sexy” Back To The White House

Washington D.C.

President Donald Trump is again escalating attacks on the media organizations he calls “fake news,” this time for not reporting what he claims is one of his signature accomplishments as President in “bringing back sex appeal” to the Presidency.

The following is a Twitter thread Mr. Trump published this morning:

“The Fake News will never admit it, but I’ve brought back sex appeal to the Presidency. Everywhere I go, people always tell me they’ve never seen a president so good looking before. I would have won People Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ award every year since 1975, but it’s rigged against me!”

“I don’t want to say it, but every room I’m in, I’m surrounded by uglies. Especially the women. No offense, but women political leaders aren’t exactly supermodels. Have you seen Angela Merkel? I wouldn’t want to sneak in on her changing into a bathing suit during one of my Miss Universe pageants! Sad!”

“Therasa May? Way past her prime! Nancy Pelosi is a 4 on a good day! And the media is barely any better! The best looking person I ever saw was Megyn Kelly, but she was a total rabid dog! In that debate she was so nasty to me. There was period blood everywhere! I had to step over big puddles to get to my podium!”

“Why won’t the Fake News media give me credit for looking tremendous? My skin is literally glowing! Obama’s skin was black, so I win by default! Everyone knows beauty pageants have a few black people so you don’t get called racist, but you don’t let them win! Sure, they can get to maybe top 3, but not number one! This is America!”

“This is why the media is called ‘Fake News.’ I have great genes, amazing hair, and totally real, original teeth! What’s not to love? I’m hot! I’ll tell you what, though, Russian girls get it. They go crazy for me over here! You should see some of the things they do when I’m in the room! They can’t keep their hands off me!”

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(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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