According to White House insiders, President Donald Trump picked out the Christmas present he gave his son Barron himself this year.
“The President really thought hard this year about what present to give his son, and, after much deliberation, he ultimately thought the most valuable thing he could give his son was a portrait of himself that he wrote his signature on,” explained a White House aide who requested anonymity to describe the personal matters. “Trump spent a whole ten minutes agonizing over what photo to use. At first he wanted to use one of Melania’s old, risqué modeling photos and write a note saying ‘What a 10 your mom used to be,’ but we convinced him that was inappropriate, and maybe inconsiderate of Melania. Then he wanted to sign a portrait of a porn star he once paid for sex, and write a little inspirational quote for his son now that Barron is getting older and becoming a man. He wanted to write ‘Remember: no means no, unless you’re rich and famous,’ but we again talked him out of that one… for obvious reasons. Then he wanted to sign a photo of the electoral map in Election 2016, but he agreed that Barron might not be interested in that. Finally, the President settled on a portrait of himself, and signed ‘To Baran, From Mr. Trump.’ Unfortunately, he wrapped it himself, and none of us staffers had time to proofread it and notice how incorrectly he spelled his son’s name. Oops.”