St. Louis, MO—
For eight years, conservative Evangelicals blamed President Barack Obama for every destructive occurrence of natural phenomenon, but, since President Trump took over, they don’t seem to be as adamant that calamitous weather events and other tragedies are directly affected by the actions of the Chief Executive.
“Now that a Republican is in office, we’re shifting gears a bit,” said televangelist Arnold Stoop, whose church services reach half a million people every Sunday. “Since Donald Trump took over, we’ve instructed our congregations to go back to blaming just gays for hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, forest fires, and the like. Natural disasters in America may still be getting more intense and more frequent during the Trump Administration, but blaming a white President for nature’s violence just doesn’t play well with our white, conservative congregants. It’s just a fact that the whole Anti-Christ scaremongering shtick isn’t as big a pew-filler when the president’s skin isn’t a sketchy dark color. We’re just trying to keep our religious messages relatable, you know? My congregants would never believe that a rich man like Trump didn’t have God’s approval, no matter how many Bible verses about rich people not getting into Heaven the libtards will throw in our faces.”
Some Evangelical church goers were relieved that they wouldn’t have to blame Trump for anything.
“I know Trump isn’t perfect,” said local Trump voter Ernie Tabold. “I mean he blatantly admitted that he sexually assaults women; he steals money from the people who work for him and with him, he’s violating the emoluments clause every day, he uses endless litigation to get out of paying his debts, he’s been obstructing justice and Congress since his inauguration, he barely disguises his racism and xenophobia, he lies to the American people on a daily basis about things that can easily be fact-checked, and the list goes on pretty extensively… but I am confident that God personally intervened in the election via Vladimir Putin and his social media fake news spamming operation to put Trump in office over that devil woman Hillary Clinton, who would have spent her four years going to hospital maternity wards and eating babies and fetuses right out of the womb. I heard she said babies taste better while still wet and marinated with all the fetal membrane juices. If she had gotten elected, certainly every hurricane and forest fire then would be a clear sign that God was pissed. But Trump is the kind of president God wants: a white male!”
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These ” ministers” quoted hersare the people that are in essence I call God Damned Christians. What sad excuses for people.
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These Are God Damned Christians. Yes, i get that its satire but not far removed from the rationale employed by these freaks.
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Bullshit, can’t run a country based on religious beliefs, if this be so, you’re blinded by the devil’s Cloak, for instance poison dagger. His new name, he just keeps competing with Obama, now he’s taking food from your children’s mouth, he needs to eat the same, he should go visit the troups where they’re fighting, maybe he should stand with the people. He’s not for equal justice, he doesn’t care about anything important to our country, he abuse’s his power. Impeach no one is above the law. What would happen to someone that didn’t show they’re taxes????
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Never a doubt in my mind as to why this orange MUTT is in office. I don’t blame the MUTT, I blame the people!
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I only hope for your own souls, that you can break the chains of your slick haired, shiny suit wearing, money grabbing leaders and stop creating yourselves as Gods by
casting stones at “Others” here on earth. You need to realize that God doesn’t want to be worshiped as much as he wants to be loved, and for you to love, or at least respect, ANY being he has put in this world. At this point, you are failing, and I fear that someday, you will all feel the wrath His mighty hand.
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