Asked About John Bolton, Susan Collins Yelled “Look Over There!” And Ran Away

Washington D.C.—

BREAKING NEWS

Senator Susan Collins escaped from reporters this morning after being asked a simple question about the prospect of John Bolton testifying, and hasn’t been seen since.

She yelled “look over there!” and pointed behind the gaggle of reporters, and when the reporters looked, they saw nothing. When they turned back around to Collins, she was far down the hallway power-walking away with two middle fingers held up behind her back.

She stopped briefly with her fingers curved into a loose fist and simulated jerking off and then ejaculating at the reporters.

Authorities believe she was hiding for several hours, and later put on a wig and sneaked out of Congress unseen.

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(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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