Washington D.C.—
President Donald Trump this morning published a series of tweets at 3am blaming Democrats for the spread of coronavirus in America.
The following is his Twitter thread:
“The coronavirus is in no way my fault! A lot of people don’t know this, but Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer begged me to let them lead the coronavirus response. I didn’t want to, but they cried so many tears so I said okay. So this botched response is all Democrats’ fault, not mine!”
“And it’s also Obama’s fault, too! When I fired the whole epidemic response team he put together and ripped up all the policy outlines on dealing with pandemics they wrote, Obama never called me and told me that was a bad idea! All of this could have been avoided if Obama hadn’t dropped the ball and let me undo all the work he had done following the ebola scare!”
“And don’t forget about Mike Pence! He’s the one I put in charge to deal with all this, but he’s made it worse! The buck stops with the President, but I gave him the buck by appointing him Coronavirus Czar, so blame him, not me! He promised me his prayers would vanquish coronavirus… but apparently not! Thanks for nothing, Mike!”
“It’s also the fault of medical officials all around America! They were so determined to do the coronavirus testing, but if they hadn’t we’d just think a lot of Americans had the flu and I wouldn’t be getting blamed every day! I was very clear with them that America’s number of infected would be zero if we never did any tests, but they don’t understand how math works!”
“It’s also the fault of all of Congress! If Congress had just given me money for my border wall, coronavirus would have never been allowed to sneak into America! Walls work, people! Why do you think the Chinese never got coronavirus back when they were still using the Great Wall? Only now when the Chinese have allowed their Great Wall to crumble do they get the coronavirus. Sad!”
“So none of this is my fault! My response would have been 100% perfect if it wasn’t for Democrats, Obama, Mike Pence, Medical Professionals, and Congress not giving me wall money! My response was going to be beautiful, tremendous, and perfect just like the call and the transcript! You wouldn’t have believed how perfect it would have been!”
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