Trump Hopes Voters Won’t Remember He’s Been POTUS For 3 Years When He Blames Everything On Obama

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump today unveiled his new 2020 election strategy at a meeting with several campaign advisers and staffers: blame Obama.

Trump himself thought up several excuses to absolve himself of any blame for his objectively poor coronavirus response that he could use in the campaign.

The excuses quickly leaked to The Halfway Post:

  • “Donald Trump hasn’t been President that long if you think about it in terms of the geological record.”
  • “Obama was such an evil genius that he convinced even my own governmental appointees to be deep state!”
  • “Obama may have written a 69-page manual of pandemic strategies, but he barely put in any pictures and didn’t mention my name once so he practically designed it so that I’d never read it!”
  • “Obama was so lazy he stopped making coronavirus tests at number 16! How convenient that I’d have to deal with #19!”
  • “Obama may have written a guide on containing pandemics, but he wrote it in Kenyan so no one could read it!”
  • “Democrats colluded with Russia to collude with China to collude with coronavirus to make me look bad and like I’m a colluder!”
  • “Trump 2020: It’s not like coronavirus killed EVERYONE!”
  • “It’s Brad Parscale’s fault I’m losing, so I’m going to sue him for $5 billion!”
  • “Joe Scarborough murdered someone 20 years ago!”
  • “Megyn Kelly bled all over Obama’s pandemic report so I couldn’t read any of it!”
  • “Obama wrote his pandemic guide in Muslim so no one could read it!”

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