Washington D.C.—
President Donald Trump today published a Twitter thread announcing a major booking he has secured for his upcoming Republican convention:
“My convention is going to be so much better than the Democrats’ convention, you’re not going to believe it. Theirs was boring, and didn’t reflect America at all. They barely had any white people! I thought they cared about diversity!”
“I am pleased to finally announce that I booked the Ku Klux Klan’s national chamber choir to sing our national anthem over a month ago! They were very eager to accept, and I waited so long to announce it because I was worried Biden was going to pick Elizabeth Warren…”
“…which would have totally ruined the surprise! But thankfully Biden picked Phony Kamala, a real minority! The KKK chamber choir just wouldn’t be as big a splash for my supporters if Democrats had two Aryans on the ticket!”
“And Democrats should be happy the KKK will be kicking things off because they’re totally safe from the coronavirus! They wear way more than just masks! Talk about setting a great example for America by wearing their hoods and robes! And the heat from all the burning crosses onstage will kill all the COVID germs in the room!”
“So don’t forget to tune in to my convention! I have so many surprises you won’t believe! You’ll say to yourself ‘wow, I can’t believe it!’ Suburban white women are going to love it, I guarantee it! My reelection will save them from having to tattoo their skin brown and become urbans!”
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!
The Halfway Post 