Kim Jong Un To Fill In For Steve Bannon At The Republican Convention

A Halfway Post exclusive

St. Louis—

According to a Republican National Committee (RNC) insider, President Donald Trump’s headlining speaker Wednesday night at the Republican convention will be North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un.

Kim Jon Un’s speech will replace former Trump adviser Steve Bannon’s speech, since Bannon was recently arrested for committing fraud against Trump’s supporters who donated money to help build the wall between America and Mexico.

“Kim and Trump have developed quite a passionate love affair in letters,” explained the RNC insider, who requested anonymity to give this scoop exclusively to The Halfway Post. “They send each other text message nudes, too. It’s real cute, kind of like teenage puppy love. They write playful little puns about ‘whose rocket is bigger.’ And Kim has been looking for a way to pay back Trump for quite some time now for all of Trump’s political gifts to him, from ignoring North Korea’s latest missile test launches, to granting Kim a face-to-face summit meeting on the international stage with literally no concessions from North Korea, to not saying anything about North Korea’s continually growing nuclear stockpile, to not criticizing Kim’s human rights abuses, to fraying the relationship between the US and its Japanese and South Korean allies. Kim can’t believe that Trump is doing more to help his little rogue nation than Trump is doing even for America’s blood-brother allies in NATO that he routinely insults and pushes away. So Kim wants to do something to give back, and he has planned a lovely little speech for the RNC convention Wednesday night about how only Trump has the foreign policy genius to welcome North Korea as a nuclear power without pesky moral or democratic reservations. Kim also wants to emphasize once and for all to America ahead of the election that Trump’s ‘rocket’ is not mushroom shaped, and that it looks just like a totally healthy, totally normal Kim family haircut style.”

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