Mitch McConnell Took Out House-Passed Bills, Dressed Them Up, And Had A Tea Party

(Photo courtesy of Bob Nearbone‘s change of this photo by Gage Skidmore.)

Washington D.C.—

According to a staffer in the Capitol Building, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell organized and hosted a tea party in the Capitol’s front foyer with all of the bills passed by the House of Representatives.

“McConnell took out dozens of bills, some of them were pretty thick packets of paper, and he dressed them up,” said the staffer, who requested anonymity to protect his job. “He put hats on some of them, dressed others in paper towels he got from the bathroom like robes or dresses, and he even borrowed Susan Collins’ lipstick to draw lips on the bills he deemed female. He got a bunch of cups from the Capitol’s cafeteria, and he poured each bill some tea. The Democrat-passed bill to protect our elections from foreign meddling was there, the bill to expand voting rights was there, the bill to extend unemployment payments was there, and so many more. It actually looked kind of fun until I remembered Moscow Mitch was literally killing our democracy by refusing to even bring these bills up for Senate consideration. Mitch sat in the middle and poured the tea cups for each bill right on the front of them like they were drinking it, which kind of turned them into a soggy mess. Once all the Democrats’ bills were pretty much ruined, he lay down on the ground on his back and started munching some carrots and a big head of lettuce. But then he couldn’t get up, so he started flailing his arms and legs around until a janitor saw him and put him back on his stomach.”

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