Washington D.C.—
President Donald Trump published several tweets this morning with demands for the last debate with Joe Biden:
“I only canceled the second presidential debate because I didn’t want Sleepy Joe Biden to embarrass himself! I totally WANTED to do it, but I didn’t want people to see Joe in his basement littered with all his dirty old diapers, dozens of orange medication bottles, and AOC behind him pulling his arms and head with a system of ropes and pulleys and Bernie whispering into his ears!”
“But now that I’m immune to COVID I can’t wait for our 3rd debate! I have only one demand, and it’s that the topic be on Hillary Clinton’s emails! I know I said I’d unveil all her criminal emails and put her in prison four years ago, but now I’m finally ready to! So let’s #LockHerUp! #PromisesKept!”
“So as long as Joe Biden promises not to bring up COVID, our 210,000 deaths, the Russian bounties on our troops, sinking stock prices, North Korea’s new long-range nukes, Iran’s nukes, the trade war with China I said was so easy to win, my lack of an Obamacare replacement plan, my tax evasions, my rape lawsuits, or my sinking poll numbers, I agree to the 3rd debate!”
“All of those issues are just distractions from the real issue Americans care about: Hillary Clinton! So as long as this next debate is 100% centered on America’s #1 nasty woman, I will show up… unless there are any COVID tests, drug tests, or lie detector tests at the debate, in which case I will probably bail. #MAGA!”
From The Halfway Post vault:
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