Trump Wanted To Do A Swimsuit Calendar Photoshoot With Ivanka As A Fundraiser

Washington D.C.—

The following are campaign fundraising ideas President Donald Trump reportedly suggested to his election team:

  • A swimsuit calendar with Ivanka in a bikini, and himself in a speedo.
  • A competition where he signs his signature on COVID-positive donors’ CT scans of lung damage in hospitals.
  • Force Ted Cruz to allow people to kick him in the nuts for $1 million donations.
  • A competition for donors to win a date night with Eric.
  • Have a yacht-wash where he washes billionaires’ yachts in a Borat-style mankini.
  • Have an auction to sell America’s foreign policies to foreign countries willing to donate through shell-companies into “unafilliated non-profit” pro-Trump superPACs so it’s 100% legal.
  • Bring back Trump Steaks and sell them on the Trump2020 website.
  • Beg Sheldon Adelson for more money, and if that doesn’t work, insult him.
  • Force Matt Gaetz to start an Only Fans account and striptease for Trump campaign donations.
  • Have Steve Bannon start more Build-The-Wall scams.
  • Have the KKK do a national bake sale for him.
  • Sell more American flag-themed clothing items made in China for cheap.
  • Have Sean Hannity tell elderly Fox News viewers that Joe Biden wants to mandate their suburban subdivisions institute quotas to become 75% black.
  • Sell Ivanka’s used underwear to MAGA incels.
  • Sell Saudi Arabia a bunch of “Dismember-A-Journalist-Free” cards for $1 billion each.
  • Kill US troops to collect from Russia the bounties Putin put on them.

From The Halfway Post vault:

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