Trump Demands The Election Be Called November 3rd, “Unless Biden Is Ahead In Texas”

Washington D.C.—

Texas is smashing early voting records ahead of November 3rd, and this has Republicans worried Texas might flip blue and make President Donald Trump’s path to reelection virtually impossible.

Mr. Trump addressed the threat Texas poses in the following tweets this morning:

“The election absolutely HAS to be called on election night! We’re not a communist country where we count all the votes! That’s not MAGA! We go with whoever is ahead that night! Which will 100% be me!”

“I can’t believe the courts are allowing states to count all these early votes! It’s bad enough the Supreme Court is giving me such terrible, unfair rulings about letting votes get counted if they arrive in the mail AFTER November 3! I kneecapped USPS specifically so all those votes would be tossed! It’s just more PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!”

“But I’m drawing the line at calling the election before 10pm on Election Day! It has to be called early for whoever is winning (which will probably be me) because I told all my voters to only vote the day of! That’s how we’ve always done it, and if we haven’t it’s how we used to do it, and if it’s not that’s how we SHOULD do it! The day OF!”

“…Unless Biden is ahead in Texas because of Democrats’ early voting. If Biden is winning in Texas at 10pm we’ll have no choice but to keep the vote counting going as long as we need. I don’t care if it takes weeks, months, or even years for Republicans to find enough uncounted ballots to keep those beautiful electoral votes from Sleepy Joe!”

“And maybe Georgia, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina, too! I know for a fact a big Red Wave is coming in all of those states, and it will be so big that you won’t believe it! So if Biden is ahead in any of those states we’ll keep voting going a little longer. But all the states I’m ahead in get called promptly at 10pm! Keep America Great!”

From The Halfway Post vault:

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