Washington D.C.—
President Donald Trump has just announced the creation of his very own polling company called Genius Polls, and he promises Genius Polls are the most accurate in the business.
Trump discussed his new polling company in brief remarks to reporters this morning.
“Genius Polls are the greatest polls, maybe of all time,” said Mr. Trump. “They’re not fake news like all the other polls, I guarantee it. The fake polls show me tied or behind in Florida, Pennsylvania, Ohio, North Carolina, Georgia, and even Texas, but Genius Polls show me winning all those states by triple digits! In fact, the latest Genius Poll that came out today shows me winning every state! All fifty! I’m going to win the biggest landslide since Washington. There’s a giant red wave coming, and only Genius Polls is getting it right. Sleepy Joe isn’t going to win a single electoral vote. And any poll showing Biden winning is only because the fake news polls count illegal immigrant votes, whereas Genius Polls don’t. Real Americans only! Genius Polls also show my approval rating at 80%! Looks like even a lot of Democrats don’t want Communist Kamala! The best result, though, is that Genius Polls show that 93% of Americans think my hands are much bigger than old man Biden’s hands!”
From The Halfway Post vault:
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