Washington D.C.—
President Donald Trump’s campaign is running out of funds for the costly vote recounts he’s demanding, so his administration is having to get creative to raise money.
The latest fundraiser event is a wet T-shirt contest hosted by Mr. Trump, Attorney General Bill Barr, and Trump confidant Chris Christie. Its tentatively planned location is the White House driveway.
The rules are that all three will be wearing white T-shirts, jean cutoff shorts, and cowboy boots. The festivities will include the following three competitions:
- Sexy carwash: The three will compete to see who can wash a muddy car the cleanest with a hose, a sponge, and lots of bubble soap. Ivanka judges the cars’ cleanliness.
- Calendar photoshoot: They will take turns doing photoshoots with their wet T-shirts and the sexiest poses they can think of. The pictures will be used for a calendar sold on the Trump campaign website for extra profits. Trump’s chief of staff Mark Meadows will be the judge on this one.
- Striptease: Who can tantalize the crowd with the raunchiest dance strip routine? Jim Jordan is this round’s judge, and he has already said that bonus points will be awarded to anyone who incorporates a lap dance in their choreography. Full frontal nudity is technically off-limits, but none of the three competitors have ever minded a broken law, violated norm, or abuse of power before!
The event starts at 7pm, and will be live-streamed on a special Fox News program hosted by Lou Dobbs. Come to give Trump a donation to prolong his inevitable election loss, stay for the jiggling manboobs.
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