Ivanka Says Every Time Her Father Broke Any Laws, She Was In Another Room Creating Jobs For Women

Washington D.C.—

Ivanka Trump has spoken out publicly for the first time since her family left Washington D.C. ahead of the inauguration of President Joe Biden.

She offered a brief statement to the press in which she claimed total innocence of any wrongdoing in all the federal and New York State investigations into her father’s finances, business practices, and administration dealings.

“Every time my father, President Donald Trump, ever discussed Ukraine, or President Zelensky, or Georgia finding 11,000 votes,” Ivanka said, “or extortion, or witness intimidation, or bribery, or Stormy Daniels, or obstruction of the Mueller investigation, or obstruction of Congress, or obstruction of justice, or collusion with Russia, or collusion with Saudi Arabia, or collusion with Israel, or emoluments clause violations, or lying about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, or betraying the Kurds, or charity fraud, or stock fraud, or money laundering, or assaulting women, or the concentration camps on the border, or losing migrant children to possible sex trafficking, or university fraud, or illegal nondisclosure agreements, or hush money payments, or campaign finance violations, or incitement of violence, or inspiring incels and neo-nazis, or giving out undeserved security clearances, or nepotistic choices in executive advisers, or attacks on the media, or illegal executive overreach, or thinly veiled requests for gun violence perpetrated against his opponents by ‘Second Amendment people’ or negligence during Hurricane Maria, or all the lies and perjury, or tax evasion, or all the attacks and accusations of fake news to cover up inconvenient and damning factual stories, or collusion with Fox News and other far-Right media organizations, or all the illegally hoarded documents demanded by Congress, or lying about Iran, or assassinating Iranian officials, or threatening war crimes, or carrying out war crimes, or promoting police brutality, or his unsecured phone calls with autocratic leaders every night in bed… Any time any of these things were ever discussed, planned, or perpetrated during the four years my father was President, I promise I always happened to be in another room working on solutions on how to employ more women in the workforce. And sometimes I prayed for God to keep our troops safe in Iraqistan, or Saudi Irania, or wherever they’re at currently. So I promise there is absolutely no reason for any federal or New York prosecutors to investigate me at all. Also, I’m just a kid. I’m not a criminal, I’m just a little girl who doesn’t know any better than to trust my father to always faithfully follow the law. All the laws. So if I’m guilty of anything, it’s only that I love my daddy so much.”

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