Hey, everyone, I’m offering 50% off of paid subscriptions for The Halfway Café to celebrate the many positive news developments this week:
- Trump falling in love with Zohran Mamdani and wrecking Elise Stefanik’s cynical NY gubernatorial campaign against Mamdani’s alleged jihadism!
- Marjorie Taylor Greene retiring from Congress to try and wrestle away the MAGA crown from Trump!
- The Epstein Files bill passed Congress with near unanimity and is hardcore fracturing the GOP caucus and plummeting Trump’s approval ratings with his base!
- Pam Bondi and Lindsey Halligan bungling the Comey sham prosecution and potentially risking their law licenses!
- Elon Musk revealing Twitter accounts’ locations and proving lots of giant MAGA influencers are actually opportunistic grifters or propagandists living in Africa, India, and Russia!
Of course I always offer this 50% discount, but now is a great time to subscribe and help support my daily comedy, my serious columns on the news of the week, and my Brain Milk podcast because the people I lampoon really deserve it.
Trump has been the biggest proliferator of fake news in American history so I fight back with fake satirical news of my own to relentlessly parody him, and every month more people online get acquainted with my distinctively warped liberal sense of humor thanks to my posts going viral.
I’m close to reaching several career milestones of 100,000 followers on Twitter, 31,0000 followers on Threads, a growing presence on Bluesky, and 500 paid subscribers on Substack, and this has helped me start to have a discernible effect on the national discourse of the terminally online.
Along with countless angry conservatives who interact with my posts to call me “The HalfWIT Post” (that’s actually a pretty good insult lol) or a libtard, I’ve been reposted by many interesting people such as Patton Oswalt, Ted Lieu, Rick Wilson, Don Lemon, Kristen Schaal, former CIA Director Michael Hayden, Shannon Watts, George Santos, Nancy Mace, and countless state legislators, media personalities, and authors.
I hope to continue growing so that I can be insulted personally by Donald Trump before he finally strokes out or is imprisoned and loses his Internet privileges. What a life accomplishment it would be to get called an “enemy of the people” by America’s worst president ever!
So if you appreciate the work I do, become a paid subscriber so you can help me afford to gradually stop doing other work, and just do comedy and liberal commentary full time!
Need more reasons to patronize me for only $2.50 a month? How about these:
- Comedy is therapeutic catharsis in fascist eras such as ours.
- NPR doesn’t have the balls to report on Trump’s “rotten roast beef stench,” CNN won’t report on Rudy Giuliani’s alien abductions, and the New York Times doesn’t have any interview connections with God, but I do!
- Trolling fascists is a full-time job. The more paid subscribers I have, the more time I can spend being extraordinarily petty about all of the Trump Administration’s failures. The country is on fire, so help me roast the arsonists!
- Because I won’t stop making fun of Trump. He wants to be a king, and America has been telling kings to fuck off since 1776. A paid subscription is like a middle finger to Trump’s demagoguery.
- When my jokes go viral, Trump’s blood pressure rises. Help me keep proliferating new jokes, and maybe he’ll have a heart attack or stroke!
- If you’re a Floridian, your support can help me get on your state’s prestigious list of banned art!
- If I have enough support from my readers, The Halfway Post could become the focus of a major censorship battle over how lenient the First Amendment has to be in harassing the demagogic pretensions of an aspiring dictator president.
- If you think Trump is the dumbest tyrant in American history, you’re right. Help me spread the word across the Internet for posterity’s sake. I hope historians in the far future will see my relentless posts about how Donald Trump smells like shit, and assume it must have been a well-established fact about him!
- The mainstream media and legacy institutions have been much too polite and politically correct shrugging off the GOP’s lunacy in exchange for chummy journalistic access and proximity. I am not.
- If we can’t stop the fall of our republic, at least we can laugh the whole time over how stupid it all is. Help me heckle America’s villains!
- I am not funded by George Soros — but if you’re reading this, George, call me!
- Trump’s ego is very fragile, and maybe if my jokes go viral enough we can break him!
- Maybe Kash Patel’s FBI already has files on me and The Halfway Post, help me make those files so fat they need a whole filing cabinet for them!
- Some people storm the Capitol Building, I just find inventive ways to call Trump a shit stain on US history. Join an insurrection that’s legal, peaceful, and legitimate!
https://thehalfwaycafe.substack.com/discount
☕️ If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
Because our social media platforms are being scrambled up by oligarchs, if you like my humor, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Twitter, Bluesky, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.
Browse my comedy portfolio, my graffiti news portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.
The Halfway Post 