These articles are The Halfway Post‘s crowd favorites, organized according to subjects. They either get shared a lot, represent the best of THP’s unique sense of humor, or belong to one of our recurring themes!
Each title is a link to the article:
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Donald Trump
- EXCLUSIVE: Donald Trump’s 2020 Campaign Slogans Just Leaked!
- The Top 30 Insults For President Donald Trump
- Dr. Fauci: “I Wish I Had COVID Instead Of Having To Work With Trump”
- Trump’s Physician Has To Hide His Blood Pressure Pills In Hot Dogs
- Trump Wanted To Mail Stimulus Checks With Trump Hotel Coupons
- Trump Asked Pharma Companies To Name Any COVID Vaccine “Trumpicil”
- Obama’s New Netflix Project Will Investigate Trump’s Orangutan Ancestry
- White House Releases 23 Corrections To Trump’s “Perfect” Coronavirus Speech
- Donald Trump Admits It: “I Really Have No Idea What I’m Doing”
- Donald Trump Left Adam Schiff A Voicemail Begging “Dude, Just Be Cool” 9 Times
- Shocking Birth Certificate Discovery Sheds New Light On Donald Trump’s Orangutan Ancestry
- Donald Trump’s MIT Uncle Thinks He’s An Idiot
Fox News
- Fox News Announces New Show: “Trump’s Thoughts,” Where The President Calls In And Rants For Half An Hour
- Fox News Says Mermaids Are White, “Just Like Jesus, Santa, & Martin Luther King Jr.”
- Fox News Execs Are Upset That Their Commentators Keep Suffering Consequences For Being Awful
- Fox News Changes Lineup, Gives Mike Huckabee All 3 Primetime Hours
- Fox News Claims Donald Trump Does Not Poop, Invented Burgers
- Eric Trump Introduced As Fox News’ Coronavirus Medical Expert
- Fox News Announces A New “War On Easter” To Distract Viewers From Coronavirus
Mike Pence
- Mike Pence Recommends Drinking Your Urine To Avoid Getting Coronavirus
- Mike Pence Wanted Trump To Bomb Generals From The Gay Agenda Instead Of Iran
- Mike Pence Wrote A Full-Length Musical Entitled “That Summer In 1975 With Brad Where It Happened”
- Mike Pence, Who Can See His Political Future Is Sinking With Trump, Spends His Days Writing Musicals
- Mike Pence Has Noticed The Bible He Bought Donald Trump Has A Thick Coat Of Dust On It
- Mike Pence Once Paid $100 In Hush Money To A Woman He Made Eye Contact With
Betsy DeVos
- Betsy DeVos Killed A Dozen Dalmatian Puppies For A New Coat
- Betsy DeVos Announced Plan To Give Coronavirus Vaccines Only To Rich Students
- Betsy DeVos Issues New Rule Mandating All Subsidized School Lunches Get Spit In
- Betsy DeVos Proposes School Rule To Expel Every Student Whose Parents Don’t Own A Yacht
- Betsy DeVos Congratulates Run-Down Elementary School With Tainted Water And No Heating For Effort
Ted Cruz
- Ted Cruz Is Thrilled He’s No Longer The Most Hated GOP Senator Thanks To Romney
- Mitt Romney Is Forced To Eat Lunch At The Senate Outcast Table With Ted Cruz
- Before Voting Not To Allow Impeachment Witnesses, Ted Cruz Let Trump Teabag him
- Ted Cruz Announces He’s Running Against Trump For 2020, Says He Can Do Fascism “Way Better”
- Ted Cruz’s Senate Hearing Notes Just Say “President Cruz” Doodled Over and Over Again
- Hacker Admits Ted Cruz’s Browser History Is “Really F’ed Up”
- Donald Trump Jokes Ted Cruz Should Blow Him At Texas Rally, Ted Cruz Does
Trump Kids
- Donald Trump Claimed His Thigh Gap Is Bigger Than Ivanka’s
- Trump Called Ivanka A “Hot Piece Of Meat” He’d “Love To Put Ketchup On”
- Eric Trump Just Got Hired Onto A Russian Copper Company’s Board Of Directors
- Eric Trump Is Hosting A Webinar On How To Raise Charity Funds For Personal Use
- Donald Trump Jr. Claims Being 3rd-Generation-Rich Had Nothing To Do With His Success
- Donald Trump Jr.’s Favorite Band, Unsurprisingly, Is Nickelback
- A Russian Copper Company Bought 70,000 copies of Donald Trump Jr.’s New Book
- Donald Trump Jr., Craving Individuality, Changes Name To ‘Emilio Thunder’
Racism
- Tomi Lahren Says She Wishes MLK Jr. Was Still Alive So She Could Tell Him To “Sit Down And Shut Up”
- Trump Called Black People “Riggers” After Claiming Their Vote Was “Rigged Against Him”
- “Blacks For Trump” Group Has 116 Members, And They’re All White
- Local “Blacks 4 Trump” Group Just Got Its First Black Member To Sign Up
- Sean Hannity Said His Favorite Black Leader Is Stanley From “The Office”
- Trump Called The NAACP Rigged For Not Including Him Among Black History Heroes
- Local Trump Voter Realizes Immigrants Can’t Be Both Lazy And Job Stealers, Dies
- Bloomberg’s Latest Ad Mocks Trump For Paying Way Too Much On Hush Money
- South Carolina’s New Gerrymandered Map Put All Black Residents In 1 District
- Racist Trump Supporters Refuse To Assimilate Into American Culture
Halfway Post Interviews With God
- With Coronavirus Raging, God Admits He’s Not Actually Omnipotent
- God Admits His Omniscience Means Humans Don’t Actually Have Free Will
- God Admits Humans Aren’t In His Top Ten Favorite Creations
- God Is Reportedly Pissed Conservatives Don’t Give Him Credit For Aborting All The Miscarriage Babies
- God Wants Conservatives To Know They Just Have To Pray A Little Harder And He’ll Stop Shooting Up Schools
- God Admits Letting Humans Sin So Much He Needed To Kill Them All In A Flood Wasn’t Very Omniscient Of Him
- God Announces Atheists Are His New Chosen People
- God Says Fox News Hosts Go To Hell, And Have To Watch Their Own Shows For Eternity
Halfway Post Interviews With Jesus
- Jesus Christ Returns, Demands To Know Who Decided “Christians” Didn’t Have To Be Jewish
- Jesus Christ: “Why I Burned My Republican Party Membership Card”
- Jesus: “WTF? I Wasn’t Born On December 25th!”
- Cool Jesus: “If All You Humans Don’t Start Sinning More, Then I Died For Nothing!”
- Jesus Is Quiet About His Mere Day-Long Crucifixion Around Prometheus and Sisyphus
Christianity & Christians
- Christian Groups Give Up On Praying To End Gun Deaths & Abortion, Admit God’s A Dick
- Christians Haven’t Blamed Natural Disasters On The President Since 2016…
- Joel Osteen: “If Jesus Wanted Me To Share My Wealth, He Wouldn’t Have Let Me Accumulate $40 Million!”
- Anti-Gay Evangelical Senator: “The Gays Tricked Me Into Forcing My Mistress To Get An Abortion”
- Poll: 83% of Christians Wish Christianity Was As Cool As Nordic, Egyptian, Greek & Roman Religion
- Local Christian Admits He’s Never Read The Bible, Just Likes Judging People
- Evangelicals Admit They’re Actually Very Envious Of Trump’s Totally UnChristian Lifestyle
- Televangelist Blames COVID-19 On Captain America’s Bulge In The Marvel Movies
- Local Evangelicals Wonder If Trump Getting Impeached Is God’s Will, Agree God Must Be Confused
- Republican Rep: “God Told Me It Was Cool For My Mistress To Get An Abortion”
- Donald Trump Erroneously Claims The Patriarch of Judaism Was Abraham Lincoln
- New Christian Toy Trend: Fetus Dolls
- Local Pastor Furious To Find Out Jesus Was A Libtard
White Supremacist Sperm
- White Supremacists Are Collecting Jars Of Each Other’s Jizz To “Preserve The White Race”
- Earthquake Wrecks Richard Spencer’s “White Sperm Doomsday Vault”
- Breitbart.com Is Selling A Face Cream Made Of White People’s Jizz
- Stephen Miller’s Child-Separation Policy Papers Were Reportedly “Jerked Off All Over On”
Guns & The Second Amendment
- Gun Rally Man Wearing 3 AR-15s Says He Feels Threatened By Biracial Couples
- Local Conservative Reads The Second Amendment, Astonished To Learn It Calls For “Well Regulated Militias”
- Local Good Guys With Guns Get Shot By Other Good Guys With Guns
- NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre Accidentally Shoots Himself While Juggling Loaded Guns To Prove They’re Safe
- “If Only God Would Do Something About Gun Violence” Say Conservatives Who Block Every Effort At Gun Control
- Republicans Unveil A National “Thoughts And Prayers” Hotline They Promise Will Stop All Mass Shootings
General Silliness
- Biologists Translate Dolphin Language, Find It Filled With Derogatory Slur Words For Humans
- Aliens Landed On Earth, Donated $10 Billion In Asteroid Metals To Defeat Mitch McConnell
- Wharton Finally Released Trump’s Grades: F’s In Business, A’s In Poetry
- Ken Starr Says If Trump Had Asked Zelensky For a BJ, It’d Be Totally Different
- Rudy Giuliani Has Reportedly Eaten Several Documents That Incriminate Trump
- The Dating Website For Trump Supporters Finally Attracted Its First Female Member
- 15 Questions For All The Psychopaths Who WANT To Be President
- Alex Jones Is Concerned He Himself May Be A Government False Flag Plant
- 3rd Species Of Marmot Just Went Extinct Supplying Fur For Donald Trump’s Fake “Hair”
- Iowa Senator Burt Winthrop Has Been Dead 16 Years, Still Selfishly Won’t Retire
- Paul Ryan’s Retirement Means He Can Pursue His Real Dream: Clubbing Baby Seals To Death
- Liberal Man Turns 50, Decides He’s Old Enough Now To Become An Angry, Racist, Republican
- In CNN Interview, Stephen Miller Implies He’s Eaten Human Meat
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