Top Republicans Worry If Trump Doesn’t Resign The GOP Is Screwed

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Top Republicans say the idea of forcing Trump to resign is gaining steam throughout the party as everyone fears Trump is leading the GOP to the biggest midterm electoral wipeout in US history.
The redacted Epstein Files reportedly include a video of Trump audibly farting followed by Epstein telling him, “Did you just sh*t yourself on my plane again? The girls make us pay triple when you’re around.” …But we’ll never know for sure until the files are released.
Bari Weiss and CBS reportedly pulled a 60 Minutes segment that was investigating whether or not Trump’s stench made the Prime Minister of Japan throw up during their last state dinner together.
Protesters are reportedly standing in front of Mar-a-Lago playing the Amber Alert sound effect every 30 seconds through a massive guitar amplifier.
The executives of several gay dating apps say the Turning Point USA convention is their industry’s Super Bowl.
Another Trump staffer agrees with Susie Wiles that Trump has an alcoholic’s personality, and added that Trump also has a pothead’s memory, a crackhead’s desperation for money, a meth addict’s paranoia, a shroom tripper’s delusions.
The Epstein Files reportedly claim Donald Trump’s penis caught on fire in a freak hair spray can explosion incident, and that’s why the rumor his penis is deformed persists. …But we’ll never know for sure until the redacted Epstein Files are revealed.
A new poll found that 99% of Americans want the DOJ to immediately offer one of Epstein and Trump’s co-conspirators an immunity deal to admit to everything and reveal the sex-trafficking ring at long last in public, and snitch on all the other monsters.
The American Association of Neck and Throat Doctors just named the throat condition where it looks like you have a neck vagina after Donald Trump.
Is 2026 the year Trump’s clogged arteries send him to the River Styx? (Like my little rhyme??)
Trump says the 97% of the Epstein Files still redacted are “really boring,” “a total snoozefest,” and “looking through them would make everyone sleepier than Biden.”
A newspaper in New York is reportedly going to print a full, front page allegation that Trump’s penis is mushroom shaped so that when Trump sues them they can force him to give them a nude photo in the discovery phase of the inevitably litigation.
Top Republicans say the idea of forcing Trump to retire is gaining wide party support so JD Vance can try to stabilize the party’s chaos, dysfunction, infighting, and plummeting approval ratings ahead of the midterms.
Trump is reportedly going to fake having a medical emergency tomorrow to distract from the Epstein Files.
A new poll found that 100% of registered Democrats want Chuck Schumer to bring the Epstein victims to Congress and start naming names with the protection of the Speech or Debate Clause on the first day that Congress gets back into session.
Trump is reportedly worried the next Democratic president will take his name off everything he’s adding it to.
Trump reportedly just asked his lawyers, “It’s kind of inevitable that I’m fucked now, isn’t it?”
Somewhere Mike Johnson is screaming, “No one tell me about Trump’s alleged murder of the baby on Lake Michigan, or any of the other new Epstein allegations! When the media asks me about them I need to be able to say I haven’t heard or read them! Everyone shut up! La la la la la la la! I can’t hear you!”
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