This Is The Nightmarish Republican Utopia For Women In Project 2025

• The creation of a new “DMV” called the Department of Menstrual Vaginas to oversee the rationing of feminine care products, where women must go each month, take a numbered ticket, and wait in long lines before receiving the five tampons OR five pads rationed to them each month by very surly, fundamentalist Christian employees.
• All girls and women in America must modify their period schedules so that, from now on, they all start bleeding on the 15th of each month so it’s easier for police, GOP legislators, husbands, and fathers to track pregnancies and investigate possible abortions.
• “Big Science” must officially announce that the clitoris and G-spot are a hoax, and scientists must stop profiting off the lie that women can enjoy any form of sex for non-procreative purposes.
• A national program in public schools where girls, starting in the third grade, will be given a government-issued and “WWJD” stamped chicken egg to bring everywhere they go to teach them about the importance of protecting fetuses. If anything happens to the egg, their parents will be fined $35 to replace it, and they will have to spend all morning waiting in line at the DMV (Department of Menstrual Vaginas) to get the new egg.
• A program for poor and ethnic minority pregnant women to check in with a “pregnancy compliance officer” every month.
• A new medical regulation that doctors must tattoo tally marks on women’s wrists when they go for their first pregnancy checkups so that everyone can compare how many times in their lives they were pregnant with how many children they have.
• A law that mandates medical schools to invite an Evangelical pastor or a Republican member of Congress to be present when they’re teaching med students about the female reproductive system to ensure they’re not spreading any “liberal propaganda.”
• A law that says wives must submit all their prayers to God for their husbands’ approval to make sure they’re not praying for a miscarriage. God would never knowingly allow a miscarriage to happen, but sometimes He gets busy and misses a few because there are so many Satanically conniving women around the world.
• A law that says single women must never bathe their underwear zone so that men are too physically repulsed if they get anywhere near an unmarried vagina to have premarital sex.
• The repeal of prohibition on child marriages because, as GOP Representative Rusty Haddleton of rural Georgia says, “Better a million child brides than a single bastard child.”
• The repeal of all laws on bestiality because, as GOP Representative Rusty Haddleton of rural Georgia says, “The more that men can freely have destigmatized sexual relations with farm animals, the less premarital sexual relations they’ll be having with human women.”
• The disenfranchisement of women’ vote until the number of abortions in America goes down to zero.
• A budget expenditure of a $100 million grant split amongst several, select doctors to begin research on finding biological processes with which men can carry and birth babies instead of women on account of how much more trustworthy and dependable men are over women to not abort babies.
• The institution of a new civilian award issued by the President (or Republican-controlled chambers of Congress in the event that the president is a Democrat) for women who die from preventable complications of nonviable pregnancies, such as ectopic pregnancies, called the “Medal of Maternity.”
• Legalization of polygamy so that all child-less spinsters over 35 can be forced into marriages to men with unblemished records of monogamy to reward their Christian devotion.
• Segregation of schooling by gender so that Godly, studious boys aren’t distracted by sex-obsessed teen girls who can only seem to think with their labia about stealing their fellow boys’ virginities.
• The addition of a new Constitutional amendment that says married women must “put out” 3 times a week unless they’re pregnant, menopausal, or their husbands have mistresses they’d rather sleep with instead.
• Reinstitution of the draft for women who get abortions so if they’re going to kill kids here in America, at least they can be sent to a war zone to kill the kids of America’s enemies too.
• Federal recognition of male sperm as “America’s official gamete” over female eggs.
• The legalization of public masturbation for men because it will make America a more masculine country.
• A policy where male Republican members of Congress with promising careers can get one “abortion coupon” per year per mistress, but no other abortions will be allowed.
• Fines of $75 every time someone “thinks gay thoughts.”
• The banning of science and anthropology teachers in public schools from ever saying “Homo erectus,” and scientists in the US changing the scientific classification of “Homo erectus” to “Hetero Jesusus.”
• Funding of an after-school program to send children into coal mines and oil fields to help stockpile fuel in case the Texan energy grid collapses again. “I’m up for trying anything to help our energy crisis in Texas except raising taxes on billionaires,” said Governor Abbott.
• Censor all public school textbooks to say that female orgasms are a liberal hoax, and that the only “G-Spot” is in Heaven where God is.
• A new “hail mary” policy where high school kids who identify as gay or trans must sit in detention one hour a week to watch heterosexual pornography to try and turn them back cisgender and straight.
• Mandate every mall Santa carry an AR-15 in the event of a mass shooting at the mall. It would also give them legal immunity for any bystanders they accidentally shoot with a “Good Guy With A Gun” clause in their Santa contracts. [This bill is currently facing intra-party challenges from Republicans who object to the original bill’s mandate that all Santas must have concealed carry permits as an infringement on the Second Amendment.]
• Mandate all female members of the state legislature report their menstrual cycles so male members “know when to take their amendment proposals seriously.”
• Ban dry humping [Its sponsors vow it can be enforceable.]
• Put lead back in gasoline “to bring back our energy freedom.”
• Ban “all forms of female cleavage” in public, including both breasts and camel toe.
• Fund a commission to study the effectiveness of Muslim nations’ morality police, and explore possible applications of similar policies domestically.
• Take away women’s right to take out bank loans without a husband or father co-signing.
• Legalize polygamy in Utah as a “laboratory of democracy” experiment with a tax-free-for-life incentive for women who birth at least 10 children “to defeat America’s enemies whether Islam, Chinese, Woke, feminist, or Democratic.” [Much debate is ongoing over how to write this bill to kind of make sure only white conservative women are getting through the process obstacles to obtain required “Mother Permits.”]
• Debate and craft a delicate bill that would legally make daughters’ virginities the property of their fathers until age 18.
• Pass a “Groomer Tax” on Froot Loops and all Cheerios branded cereals for looking too much like little buttholes.
• Ban school cafeterias from serving sausages, bananas, corn dogs, or any other phallic-shaped foods for lunch.
• Mandate women have to pay for concealed-carrying permits for their vaginas.
• Pass an “Anti-Spinster Law” that would force every woman to get married by 30 or the state will intervene and arrange a marriage for her with a self-identified incel under the rationale that sex is a Biblically inalienable right for men.
• Make it illegal for women to tell jokes about men’s penis size [Though there is considerable disagreement over whether the punishment should be a fine or two weeks in prison]
• Funding for new textbooks for public schools that claim slavery abolitionists were the “real racists.” 🥃

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