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- There is so much surplus MAGA merch stock following Trump’s Epstein revelations that vendors are reportedly starting to burn them whole pallets of it.
- Fed Chair Jerome Powell says he will lower interest rates for Trump the second that Pam Bondi’s spreadsheet of all the times Trump is listed in the Epstein files gets released.
- Trump furiously asked his advisers who gave Barack Obama presidential immunity, and his advisers had to sheepishly point out that he did.
- JD Vance reportedly wants Trump to agree to give him all his blackmail files on all the GOP Congress members in the event that Trump has to resign in disgrace, but Vance doesn’t know how to bring it up without enraging Trump.
- Trump’s doctors say everyone must stop talking about the Epstein files because his heart can’t take the stress anymore, and another month of controversy has a 50% chance of incapacitating him.
- Vladimir Putin announced he will not be colluding with Donald Trump anymore due to Trump’s “horrendous Epstein allegations.”
- Trump reportedly spent all morning calling people in the DOJ and FBI demanding they “stop the count” of how many times his name was listed in the Epstein files.
- Merrick Garland is reportedly upset with himself for not outing Trump’s involvement in the Epstein files in the four years he had control over them, when Trump’s DOJ managed to do it in just six months while actively trying to cover them up.
- Trump reportedly asked his lawyers today if they think he’s done a good job of making himself look innocent amidst the Epstein allegations.
- After a reporter just asked Trump if he perjured himself when 9 days ago he said he wasn’t in the Epstein files because now it has come out that Pam Bondi told him he was in the files months ago, Trump said, “Oh, THOSE files, I thought you meant some other files.
- Trump is reportedly asking his advisers if it would make him guilty if he pardoned himself for sex-trafficking and pedophilia.
- Pete Hegseth reportedly eats lunch in a bathroom stall every day at the Pentagon because no one wants to sit with him.
- HAIL MARY ATTEMPT: Trump says the micro mushroom penis rumors are true, and he can’t have ever raped anyone because it’s too small and too deformed to work.
- The American Neo-Nazi Party just banned Donald Trump for life due to his credible pedophilia allegations, which is more criticism than any conservative, white Evangelical church has articulated against Trump.
- FBI agents reportedly had to look through hundreds of photos of Trump’s micropenis that Epstein had in his blackmail folder.
- Mike Johnson is reportedly pissed at God for making him the person responsible for deciding whether the House of Representatives outs Trump as a sex-trafficking pedophile or not.
- Trump is reportedly refusing to sue South Park for claiming he has a micropenis because he doesn’t want to allow the lawyers of Trey Parker and Matt Stone to see his penis in the discovery phase of litigation. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 
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