Donald Trump reportedly keeps calling the Nobel Committee to demand they give him a Peace Prize, and in recent weeks he has started escalating the tone of his barely veiled threats if they don’t give him one.
During today’s call, the Nobel Committee member recorded his end of the conversation, and sent it to The Halfway Post:
“Mr. President, will you please shut the fuck up already about the Nobel Peace Prize? We’re not giving it to you. You’re never going to get one! You don’t deserve one, and I don’t believe you have the competence, intelligence, or work ethic to ever deserve one!”
Trump talks inaudibly for a moment, then the committee member interjects.
“What the fuck peace deal of yours do you think we ought to be honoring anyway? Where’s your deal denuclearizing North Korea? Where’s your deal denuclearizing Iran? You bombed Iran! That’s not very peaceful, is it, Mr. President? Where’s your ceasefire in Gaza? Where’s your ceasefire in Ukraine? And all those little ceasefires you’re taking credit for in other countries are nothing-burgers! You’re not solving any of their problems! You’re not ending the longterm hatreds, or bridging the sectarian fault lines. You’re just siding with the people who bribe you or suck up to you, or the ones with dictatorial impulses that match your own. Sorry, but… Actually, no, I’m not sorry at all because Donald J. Trump will never be the recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. We don’t give Peace Prizes to idiots! To dotards! To nitwits like you, goddammit!”
The audio picked up the sound of the Nobel Committee member pounding his desk with his fist, sighing, and then continuing a bit calmer.
“And what’s even cringier than your shameless narcissistic ‘gimme-gimme’ tantrums is that you’re such a little bitch about it! You are the President of the United States, and you never shut the fuck up about how everyone’s out to get you, and how every award you don’t win is rigged against you. Grow up. You’re like a little toddler. You’re a toddler man!”
The committee member muttered under his breath, “Fucking imbecile.” Then he ranted some more.
“You’re actually ruining global peace. And stability. You’re ruining NATO by sucking up to all of the Western world’s enemies, and punching down at all your Western allies. And your trade wars and tariffs are as idiotic as they are impulsive and nonsensical. There’s no rhyme or reason behind why your tariff is so high on Brazil, or why it’s so low on Russia, or why it’s so needlessly punitive on tiny island nations and developing countries like Lesotho, or why you keep postponing your tariff on China. The only tariff that really matters is the one on China, but you’re too big of a pussy to actually commit to that one! And, by the way, tariffs are taxes. Will you read a book on economics? Jesus Christ! Newsflash, we only give the Nobel Peace Prize to people who read books!”
He sighed audibly again, and then remembered one more thing.
“And you’re literally all over the Epstein files! Your cover-up is not fooling anyone that you spend a decade being best friends with the most notorious sex-trafficker in the country! I will die before I besmirch the Nobel Prize by giving it to a pedophile like you! So shut the fuck up, and stop calling us! Never dial our number again. And stop telling other Republicans to call us and nominate you! And tech CEOS, and foreign governments. It’s never going to happen! Mark my words: you will NEVER be a Nobel laureate!”
How much different would America be today if more people in Trump’s life had told him the blunt truth to his face like this? 🥃
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