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- Trump’s doctors are warning that if the next “No Kings” protest is even bigger than 7 million people, there’s a 50% chance it could spike his blood pressure and trigger a heart attack or stroke.
- Unsurprisingly, a local MAGA fan who posed in front of the Alligator Alcatraz sign a few months ago just found a photo of his grandparents attending a lynching in the 30s.
- Trump reportedly drew in Sharpie marker all over the photos of the No Kings protest crowds so it looked like no one attended.
- BREAKING NEWS: Susan Collins’s “CONCERNED METER” has broken completely.
- Trump’s White House doctors say every time the “No Kings” protests grow by a million people, Trump’s risk of an incapacitating heart attack goes up 5%.
- Six Trump protesters have brought their inflatable frog costumes to D.C. and have joined the couple dozen other regular protesters who daily play tubas and kazoos, wear mushroom and Grim Reaper costumes, and/or yell out, “Release the Epstein Files!”
- Local protesters dressing up in inflatable frog costumes every weekend to walk up and down the streets around the White House say, “Telling wannabe kings to fuck off is the American way, and just plain darn fun!”
- White House insiders are worried Trump is so obsessed with building his ballroom as fast as possible because he only months left to live.
- Three retired men turned constant Trump protesters have brought their inflatable frog costumes to D.C. and joined the couple dozen other regular protesters parading up and down the streets around the White House playing tubas and kazoos, wearing mushroom and grim reaper costumes, and/or yelling out, “Release the Epstein Files!”
- A U-Haul truck full of masked neo-Nazis in Atlanta, Georgia last weekend reportedly gave themselves carbon monoxide poisoning by idling too long in a garage while waiting for the peaceful protests to turn violent or destructive like Trump claimed would happen.
- Trump is reportedly worried Kash Patel and Pete Hegseth are unpopular in their respective jobs, and they will not be able to convince the FBI and military to help Trump do another coup if Democrats win the midterms.
- Congressional historians are referring to Mike Johnson as the “biggest dweeb in House history” for powerlessly watching from his Speaker office cuck chair as Trump plows the government.
- Perennial presidential candidate Ted Cruz is reportedly starting to get really pissed about how often other Republicans joke about Trump being president for a third term.
- Mike Johnson is reportedly worried Trump is going to convince House Republicans to kick him out of the speakership and then elect Trump as the new Speaker to continue blocking the release of the Epstein Files.
- Trump says if the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series he’ll tariff Canada at 250%. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 
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