Remember That Trump Was Born In A Time Of Widespread Lead-Based Paint Use

President Donald Trump’s presidency is offensive to American values, and will likely end with another deadly attempted coup against our democracy.

His fascist tendencies and awful temperament for a very serious job with his sociopathic lack of morality make him the personified American id of everything that is bureaucratically senseless, democratically cruel, and culturally grotesque about American MAGA’s fascist ethno-nationalism.

But while we reflect on his general miserableness, we must charitably remember that Mr. Trump was born in 1946, a full 32 years before America stopped widely slathering homes in lead-based paint in 1978. His lack of impulse control, intellectual curiosity, and general incapacity for empathy are hallmark classics of childhood lead poisoning.

The Halfway Post has run the numbers, and we can confidently estimate that Trump has consumed not a lead-soaked paint chip fewer than 700 square feet throughout his formative years. That’s a lot of neurotoxic sludge in his brain blocking all the axons from efficiently transmitting electrical signals.

Trump has neither denied nor confirmed these speculations, but it’s not like he would want to deny them. Would he really like to admit he’s a village idiot who lost the popular vote twice, got impeached at least twice, lost his reelection in 2020 and called it rigged, and even tried to foment an insurrection against the peaceful transfer of power, without having eaten an abundance of lead paint? I wouldn’t if I was as big a moron as Donald J. Trump!

So the next time you’re giving ol’ Donnie a hard time for his self-destructively dickish nature, selfish conduct, and his cognitive inaptitude, just remember he screwed up his toddler brain and turned a little feral licking and sucking on pieces of the lead-filled walls of Trump Manor!

When you’re laughing at him for throwing plates, splashing ketchup on the wall, leaving voicemail messages full of witness tampering and intimidation, and throwing temper tantrums until the edges of his face around his orange foundation makeup turn bright red, just picture him sitting wide-eyed in a dirty diaper on the floor of his bedroom peeling off paint chips and gnawing on the walls like a rat! 🥃

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