RFK Jr.’s 10 Tips On How To Avoid Catching COVID This Winter

RFK Jr. has anointed himself as America’s new COVID Czar, and just publicly released a guide on the White House website full of the best, up-to-date medical advice on dealing with the coronavirus that health professionals across America immediately described as “spectacularly ill-advised.”

Kennedy compiled the helpful tips with Trump, who has publicly claimed several times this year he’s smarter than all the doctors

1. Don’t wash your hands! Germs spread much more easily when your hands have been recently washed because your skin acts like a Slip ’N Slide on which the germs can slide right off your fingers into vulnerable entry points of your body like your eyes, nose, and mouth.
2. Sneeze into your palms so you can keep any COVID germs locked away in your closed fists until you can throw them away the next time you pass a trash can.
3. Pray every night and morning. God will never let a good Christian patriot in America get a godless, communist illness from China!
4. Cough in people’s faces to help clean each other. The wind force power generated by your lungs will blow off any germs lurking on your friends’ and family members’ faces they don’t even know are hiding there. Your lungs clean the air in your body, so any air coughed out on others’ faces is likely much cleaner than the air all around us.
5. Stand very close to strangers in public places. When a bunch of human bodies are clumped together, you have better odds that the coronavirus will choose to infect someone other than you. Think like the Serengeti: the zebra in the middle of the herd never gets eaten by the lion!
6. Stop drinking water. When your body is hydrated you urinate more, and when you’re urinating your body is exposed for coronavirus to sneak in through your urethra.
7. Poop in the street. The coronavirus can hide in old, antiquated city pipes and wait to get you when you least suspect it by sneaking right into your colon. Keep your toilet lid closed, and seal it with tape until at least the month of March to keep coronavirus out of your home.
8. If you’re a good Christian, help keep your community safe by licking door handles, subway and bus handrails, and all other often-touched public surfaces. God will protect you and kill any coronavirus germs you get in your mouth or stomach, and this will help clean public places so even the non-Christians are better protected against coronavirus. They don’t deserve it, but if all the non-Christians die from this pandemic we will have no one left to judge and feel intrinsically superior to, and that’s just not fun!
9. Drink your urine. Your pee is actually sterile, and you just can’t trust coronavirus to stay out of our water supply — even water bottles! The more times you recycle your urine back into your body, the cleaner it gets, so you can stay protected from COVID for months if you’re just careful to preserve all your pee.
10. Act like COVID isn’t happening. President Donald Trump’s approval ratings depend on a healthy stock market, so it’s imperative that stocks don’t start to decline again if COVID comes roaring back. No matter how bad things get, always do your duty to Trump and act like everything is fine, because the positive perception of the stock market’s health is much more important than real humans’ health in order to MAGA! 🥃

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