
Join my comedic rebellion against Trumpism — subscribe to support my satire for just $2.50 a month. Never stop laughing at the fascists.
1. Republicans blaming Democrats for the pause in SNAP benefits is proof the GOP is full of bad faith negotiators
Republicans have FULL control of the government. There’s no reason for Demcorats to just give them votes for nothing in return. Republicans are also free to change the rules on filibusters to ram through whatever budget they want to pass. It’s their choice not to do that, and it’s of course apparent Republicans are enjoying the government being closed because it allows Speaker of the House Mike Johnson to continue not swearing in or seating Arizona Representative Adelita Grijalva who would be the last vote needed to reveal the Epstein Files.
But the politicking over blaming Democrats for the food stamps program running out of money and Trump refusing to allow the government to release emergency funds the program already has is such a textbook case of Republican bullshit. Republicans literally never shut up about defunding SNAP, ending welfare, blaming poor people for being lazy and dependent on the government, arguing that childhood hunger inspires impoverished students to try harder in school, and using every bit of governmental power they have over the last 50 years to cut social spending so they can instead cut taxes for already mega rich people.
2. Donald Trump is terrible at geopolitics

Isn’t the whole point of statecraft, law, and governance to basically do things the politically correct way? To cleverly build coalitions convincing other people and nations to do what you want? To maneuver the international chessboard pieces where you want them?
It’s obvious Trump is a Dunning-Kruger oaf who doesn’t read any books or know anything about history. I am certain he could not say a single specific thing about Bismarck, Metternick, Talleyrand, or any of the other era-defining, influential diplomats. They weren’t admired successes because of they were dickholes to everyone around them.
Here’s a great New Yorker article about how Trump’s historical doppelganger is Kaiser Wilhelm II (if it’s paywalled, just copy & paste the text real quick before it pulls up the subscription pop-up) the narcissistic moron who pissed off all of Europe and maybe more than any other European monarch bumbled his way into causing WWI and his own forced abdication from the throne.
3. Last week a false claim has been going around that Iran has ended mandatory wearing of the hijab for women.
This rumor appears to have spread based on a casual, mistaken comment from an Iranian official putting his foot in his mouth while talking to Chinese media. It’s not true, and the Iranian government continues to mandate the hijab, but it spread quite far. I came across it from the actor Mark Ruffalo sharing it on Threads with the caption “wonderful news.”
After reading that headline I went right to Google to fact-check it and see what articles I could find because it would certainly be a momentous moment in Iranian history and culture, but then I found the fact-checking article explaining it’s not true. Bummer.
Yet it’s fun to imagine the rumor spreading so vastly that the Iranian government is compelled by global opinion to stop forcing the unpopular veiling of women, or perhaps a new wave of nation-wide protest might erupt. The more you read of history (I read wayyy too much Wikipedia) I think the more apparent it is that so much of history is determined by flukes.
There’s plenty of examples of the “Great Man Theory” of history (we really should come up with a new term for this that isn’t gender exclusive) singling out impactful people with the cajones to do something bold, brave, or terrible, but that’s kind of an elitist way to interpret history because in reality there’s wayyyy more examples of “Random Man/Woman In History” where some random person in the right time at the right place does or says the thing that creates epic reverberations.
Imagine if Iran’s hijab mandate really does ultimately collapse because of ramifications of this misquote. It’s basically how the Berlin Wall fell! In November of 1989 Soviet party spokesman Günter Schabowski misspoke about the Berlin Wall’s future during a press conference that seemed to suggest he was announcing East Berliners had the right to free travel, and it led immediately to crowd demonstrations and border crossings that very night that like a cascade culminated in the sudden end of East Germany — without violence — faster than literally (not figuratively) anyone dreamed was possible. And that was pre-Internet!
So let this inspire you like it inspires me. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be the person that breaks up the fight in public. That yells at men being disrespectful to women. That protests tyrannical governance!
4. Racism sure is cringey, isn’t it?
On an optimistic note, I think that thankfully the world is just getting so interconnected and small via the Internet and social media that I think younger generations are starting to really give up that paradigm. I’m reminded every time I go to Texas just how wildly intermarried and multicultural that state is. I think in a few generations race will really not matter much when everyone is just so intermixed genetically it stops being interesting or worthwhile to really break up every strand when your biggest percentage is like 12.5% Irish and the next is like 6% something else. If people stop being able to relate to their ancestry it’ll be kind of hard to be racist anymore. And it really doesn’t take many generations for that to happen. How sad that we who are alive today will never get to experience that sophisticated society because our current era is still pretty full of racists.
5. Speaking of racism…
I just know it’s true that the people who bought Alligator Alcatraz merchandise and took road trips for selfies in front of the sign would have loved attending lynchings of Black people in decades past.
6. Founding Father Zelensky
Zelensky announced he would not be campaigning for reelection if the war with Russia ends, and a cease-fire is established with enough peace to hold a free election. It’s increasingly rare to see a national leader willingly step away from power, and is a testament to Zelensky’s character.
Talk about a war-time president. And it’s fitting that leadership changes after such a brutal struggle to turn the page. No doubt the crazy shit Zelenksy saw, and the insane war decisions he had to make affecting hundreds of thousands of Ukrainian soldiers’ lives and millions of civilians’ lives. I’d want to retire too!
It suggests a George Washington like role for Zelensky, as the chief founding father for the newborn West-facing Ukrainian democracy. He essentially volunteered to lead the nation through the war when he could have fled on an American plane to London. And three years later, despite huge disadvantages way outnumbered in every military and economic statistic, the Ukrainian military is withstanding endless meat grinder waves of a generation of young Russian men being callously thrown away by a psycho dictator, and beginning now to really pummel the Russian military economy into submission.
Zelensky would be wise to consider Washington’s legacy. Generally being a chill guy uninterested in self-aggrandizement with the superficial trappings of the monarchic aesthetic he just helped overthrow, Washington retired from politics with a prescient warning about political parties. I hope Zelensky finds peace post-politics. 🥃
☕️ Help me keep writing daily. Become a paid subscriber for only $2.50/month so I can relentlessly mock Donald Trump and his administration’s fascist tendencies.
Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated.
If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years, available on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Kobo. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
Because our social media platforms are being scrambled up by oligarchs, if you like my humor, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Twitter, Bluesky, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.
Browse my comedy portfolio, my graffiti news portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.