- Dada News doesn’t report the facts, it improves them.
- Any expectations of Dada News to be objective will be happily unmet.
- Dada News is objectively subjective, and subjectively objective.
- Dada News doesn’t tell how it is, but tells how it really is.
- Dada News is a harlequinade for eliciting social media doomscrollers’ involuntary reactions, particularly fury from conservatives who love to dish out absurdity, but can’t take it.
- Dada News writes fake news to resist the biggest purveyor of fake news of all: Donald Trump.
- If Trump calls all the news he doesn’t like “fake news,” Dada News will intentionally write fake news about him.
- Dada News is comedic catharsis for liberals who briefly fall for the Dadaist headlines before recognizing that the punchline is how nearly imperceptible the brazen fictional absurdity is from the absurdity of reality in contemporary politics.
- Dada News is absurd for absurdity’s sake.
- Dada News is an antidote to fascism. When fascists lie to obstruct and confuse the masses’ recognition of reality, Dadaists’ lies are like a double-negative. A lie about a fascist lie is mathematically a truth.
- Dada News is the political equivalent of Hugo Ball reciting “Verse ohne Worte” at the Cabaret Voltaire in a cubist costume with lobster claws.
- Being repulsed by the tyrannical demand for illiberalism to be taken seriously, Dada News advocates for the total abolition of demagoguery, personality cults, ethno-nationalism, and Christofascism.
- Dada News is precisely calculated to inject enough nonsense into the national conversation to keep the universe from imploding or exploding (it’s difficult to tell which until you’ve done the requisite daily doomscrolling).
- Dada News is not entirely stupid, though it is formidably stupid.
- If you cannot handle Dada News at its most juvenile and sophomoric, you don’t deserve it at its most genius.
- Dada News headlines are most successful when received disapprovingly by both liberal moral absolutists and conservative neo-monarchists.
- Dada News is most politically effective when it compels conservative critics to waste their free time crafting long, laborious responses attacking the integrity, intelligence, and sense of humor of Dada journalists that those Dada journalists do not read and ignore completely.
- Dada News is an equal and opposite reaction to fascism. The more fascist society gets, the sillier and more surreal Dadaists get.
- Dada News is a muscular flex of freedom of speech against authoritarianism.
- Dada News is a reminder that, hedging if Trump strangles America’s democracy and global hegemony going fully fascist to hide the reality of his bureaucratic and geopolitical failures, at least we Dadaists can giggle to ourselves while toiling and starving to death in a new experiment of concentration camps built to suffocate dissent and criticism remembering how hilariously stupid Trump was all along, and how we never gave him the respect his malignant narcissism demanded.
Cheers to all fellow Dadaists! 🥃
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The Halfway Post 