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- Protesters outside the White House keep blaring the Amber Alert sound effect from a bullhorn every time Trump steps outside to get on Marine One.
- A new poll shows 81% of Arizonans disprove of Trump feuding with the veterans they keep electing to the Senate — first John McCain now Mark Kelly.
- Pam Bondi says she will soon begin investigating anyone who calls Donald Trump the following names on social media: VonShitzenpants, Diaper Don, Mushroom Man, Toupee Trump, the Senile Penile, Roast Beef Boy, Epstein’s Best Bud, Convicted Felon, Dotard, or the Short-Fingered Vulgarian.
- A few Epstein victims are reportedly planning on doing an “Epstein Advent Calendar,” where every day of December they’ll announce the name of one rich or influential pedophile Trump is protecting, and on Christmas morning reveal what they know about Trump’s involvement.
- Several countries in Europe are reportedly playing hardball back at Trump, and demanding he cancel all the tariffs or they’ll release the Epstein Files their spy agencies have accumulated.
- A Congresswoman says she’ll start listing the names of Trump’s Epstein friends on the House floor where her speech is protected, and if any of those Epstein associates want to not be named they can send her signed affidavits ratting out Trump’s crimes they witnessed.
- After Karoline Leavitt said Trump was “frank, open, and honest” to call a woman “Piggy,” a reporter told her, “Okay, your boss doesn’t have enough clown makeup to conceal his manboobs, recent stroke, or rap sheet of raping girls with Epstein. That frank enough for you?”
- Trump has reportedly changed his mind on immigrants after liking Zohran Mamdani so much, and now no longer wants to deport anyone.
- Kash Patel is reportedly starting to worry people don’t take him seriously.
- Trump is reportedly having trouble convincing staffers to do shady, illegal things because they are reading the polling tea leaves and fear Democrats will win a big majority in the midterms and investigate and prosecute them.
- A Fox News host complained today on his podcast that the Snickers candy bars “look too much like veiny, black penises for Christians to eat.”
- JD Vance reportedly feels “betrayed” because of how many of his favorite white supremacist Twitter accounts that post about preserving American heritage with federal xenophobia have turned out to be operating out of Africa, India, and Russia.
- There’s a new reality show being developed called “Republican City” that will have contestants live for a year in a town where everyone is armed, there’s no minimum wage or healthcare, pollution and child labor are allowed, and women’s rights revert to the 1850s.
- A televangelist from Louisiana claims Taylor Swift’s new album is “brainwashing an army of young women and girls into feminist freedom fighters to someday conquer the United States and enslave all the men and peg them.”
- A new study found that 40% of MAGA fans on Twitter have no human followers, and the only people who interact with their posts are bots or propaganda accounts from India, Nigeria, and Russia.
- A new poll finds that 0% of the Republicans contributing to Project 2025 want their own daughters and wives to die from pregnancy complications that could be prevented with an abortion, just other people’s wives and daughters.
- Trump is reportedly furious that more Republicans are thinking about retiring from Congress at the end of the year because just a few could switch majority power to the Democrats and lead to investigations of his administration much earlier than expected.
- Several Gen Z teens reportedly had their phones confiscated at Mar-a-Lago this weekend by their parents because they kept playing the Amber Alert sound every time Trump made an appearance.
- Kash Patel is reportedly worried his girlfriend will dump him when he gets fired by Donald Trump.
- The House Republicans who want to retire early because of Trump’s chaos and threats of violence are reportedly racing each other to finalize their resignations to avoid being the last one who will hand control of the House over to Democrats.
- Pete Hegseth reportedly wants to challenge Senator Mark Kelly to a pull-up competition, but is worried it might smear his makeup.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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