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- Trump is reportedly furious after not a single presidential historian ranked him above #35 in this year’s Annual Presidents’ Day Ranking, despite both Obama and Biden cracking the top 20.
- Pam Bondi is reportedly worried she will be heckled everywhere she goes for the rest of her life.
- Republicans are reportedly freaking out after realizing the SAVE Act will probably disenfranchise many more GOP voters because conservative women are more likely than liberals to be married, take their husbands’ names, and not be interested in getting a passport.
- Presidential historians say Trump’s name being listed in over a million times in the Epstein Files means that Trump is officially the most perverted president we’ve ever had, even more than Millard Fillmore.
- The National Association of Pedophiles says Pam Bondi is ignoring all their calls, emails, and letters inviting her to their annual award ceremony where they want to give her, in person, their “2025 Pedophile Ally of the Year” award.
- Trump is reportedly terrified that Europeans will subpoena all his bank records from the European banks he had to use after every US bank blacklisted him following decades of rampant fraud, and the Europeans will see all his suspicious transactions with Epstein.
- Protesters are reportedly mailing Howard Lutnick boxes of jerky with notes saying, “I hope this tastes better than the human jerky you probably ate on your trips to Epstein’s island you lied to Congress about!”
- A new study found that the biggest sanctuary city in America is Washington D.C. because of how many rapist pedophiles the Trump Administration is protecting.
- Protesters have reportedly left 100 mutilated baby dolls all over the sidewalks around the Department of Justice to see if Pam Bondi will be as laissez-faire prosecuting doll murderers as she is prosecuting the killers of real children.
- The Trump Administration is asking the organizers of an upcoming “Trump Is OUR President” themed parade in DC jointly hosted by the National Association of Pedophiles, the KKK, the US Nazi Party, and the Sex Offenders of America to not use pictures of Donald Trump, Pam Bondi, and Kash Patel in all their marketing.
- European prosecutors are reportedly planning to arrest all of Epstein’s American accomplices themselves if they leave the US because Pam Bondi is refusing to hold anyone accountable for trafficking hundreds of European children and teens.
- Conservative podcasters nationwide are demanding Pam Bondi’s resignation due to her possessing hundreds of uncensored videos of rape, torture, murder, and cannibalism going back 25 years in the Epstein Files, but not filing any indictments or making any arrests.
- A new poll found that 73% of Americans support locking up all of Epstein’s rich pedophile friends in a torture compound, and 61% of Americans support letting poor people come torture them and eat them.
- A European judge reportedly says Trump Administration officials might need to be extradited for prosecution: “The President, and the people he has surrounded himself with, can’t just get away with their involvement in the trafficking of hundreds of our European girls.”
- A new poll found that 96% of Americans are dumbfounded how Pam Bondi’s DOJ could have catalogued thousands of photos and videos of child rape and murder, and not arrested anyone besides Ghislaine Maxwell, who is currently in a luxury prison.
- A growing coalition of federal judges are reportedly furious at the inhumane, Nazi-like, 8th-Amendment-violating conditions of Trump’s concentration camps, and are threatening to rule that ICE is unconstitutional for violating “the majority of our Bill of Rights.”
- MAGA fans in Florida are demanding Donald Trump rename “Mar-a-Lago” because it’s a Spanish name to save face after losing their minds over Bad Bunny performing in Spanish at the Super Bowl.
- A federal judge wants to hold Pam Bondi in contempt because Epstein’s sex-trafficking ring is still going on even with him gone, and she’s not doing anything about it.
- Top GOP officials are reportedly scrambling to defeat the SAVE Act after looking into passport data and finding out that the states with the lowest passport ownership rates are the Southern and Midwestern states that voted most disproportionately for Trump.
- A new poll found that 97% of Democrats support converting Alligator Alcatraz into a prison for everyone in the Epstein Files.
- Trump reportedly watched a documentary on Abraham Lincoln today for Presidents’ Day, and will now stop saying he’s a better president than all the others combined… lol jk he will never stop saying that, and he’d never watch a documentary.
- Even journalists at Fox News keep accidentally referring to the Trump Administration as the “Epstein Administration.”
- A new poll found 91% of Democrats want the party, if they win back the House, to impeach Trump every single day Congress is in session varying the charges between his sex-trafficking, crypto fraud, foreign bribes, and ICE’s ceaseless Constitutional violations.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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