We Shouldn’t Bring Back The Colonial Tradition of Tar-&-Feathering For Elon Musk

This week’s graffiti news headlines!

• Wisconsin officials are asking citizens not to bring back the colonial tradition of “tar-and-feathering” for Elon Musk when he comes carpetbagging to their state Sunday night to try and bribe voters.
• European leaders say they won’t have any Oval Office meetings with Donald Trump if JD Vance is going to sit in the room and, as one Belgian official described it, “be a little bitch.”
• ICE has reportedly shut down its deportation hotline again because so many people are calling to report Pete Hegseth for having tattoos suspected to be gang-related.
• Trump is reportedly pissed the Signalgate scandal won’t go away because, if he had to fire every staffer who used insecure messaging apps to avoid paper trails, FOIA requests and accountability, he’d have to fire his entire administration.
• It turns out Pete Hegseth is more addicted to lying than he is addicted to alcohol.
• ICE officials are asking everyone to stop calling into their hotline to tell them a South African whose immigration to the US wasn’t totally legal is going to host an event in Wisconsin Sunday.
• Thousands of Greenlanders today across the island are reportedly celebrating a new unofficial holiday, which translates roughly as “JD Vance Not Welcome Day.”
• A man in the Greenland capital of Nuuk is reportedly building a parade float featuring JD Vance having sex with a couch, and plans to drive it around the city all weekend to celebrate the vice president canceling his trip to the island.
• Top Republican officials are reportedly nervous after the gay dating app Grindr just rolled out a new group chat feature only days after top Trump Administration officials got busted for messing up group chats on the app Signal.
• Trump reportedly threw a burger plate at the wall of the Oval Office tonight, and splashed ketchup on the glass cover protecting the copy of the Declaration of Independence he put on display.
• White House staffers say Trump is being mailed dozens of McDonald’s gift cards daily from people who hope they can help his inevitable heart attack come sooner rather than later.
• The chancellor of Greenland just put up the Colorado portrait Donald Trump hates in his office.
• Greenlanders say if JD Vance had taken one step off the US military base they would have arrested him and deported him to a gangbanger prison in Denmark.
• A liberal billionaire is putting up the portrait Trump keeps complaining about on billboards in 25 major cities.
• Melania Trump reportedly died a week ago, but Trump either hasn’t noticed or cared to mention it.
• Pete Hegseth is reportedly in shock that Trump is considering throwing him under the bus.
• Trump says Vladimir Putin agrees with him that the portrait in Colorado is not flattering, and should be taken down.
• A planned Proud Boy protest at a synagogue today was canceled after the battery of their famous Tesla Cybertruck, with its MAGA-themed vinyl wrap featuring Trump’s face all over, caught on fire, and then exploded the dozen jugs of tiki torch oil they had brought.
• White House staffers have reportedly drafted actions plans for what to do when Trump inevitably tries to steal or sell some of the historic artifacts he’s asking to take out of storage.
• Mike Waltz is reportedly in disbelief that Trump would turn on him despite his complete, personal loyalty.
• The Republican state senator from Idaho who called for defunding PBS and accused Mr. Rogers of grooming children for DEI just got arrested for trying to have sex with a 15 year old that turned out to be undercover police.
• Texas Republicans are now okay with abortion after a feminist explained to them that it’s the female equivalent of shooting someone who sneaks on to your property.
• Trump has reportedly lost dozens of Mar-a-Lago platinum-level members from Russia and China since it was revealed all his staffers text each other top secret info on insecure apps, and they don’t have to pay for access to Trump’s “classified bathroom” anymore.
• Trump reportedly brought Pete Hegseth and Mike Waltz to Mar-a-Lago this weekend, and is making them compete against each other to see who gets fired.
• EXCLUSIVE: A desperate Pete Hegseth is now reportedly offering to blow anyone who can convince Trump not to fire him. 🥃

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