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- Donald Trump reportedly keeps firing his doctors who tell him he has dementia worse than Joe Biden.
- Trump has now officially nominated more sex offenders to his administration than any other president except Martin Van Buren.
- The cost of all the items in the gift store at Mar-a-Lago imported from China have reportedly gone up 25% because Trump doesn’t want to pay the tariffs.
- An anonymous GOP senator says everyone in Congress knows Trump is a rapey pedophile, but 1/3 of Republicans are cashing in on the grift, 1/3 are afraid of Trump wrecking their careers, and 1/3 are afraid of Trump’s cult members committing violence.
- Trump says golf is the only sport not rigged against him because there are no referees, and the scoring depends on honesty and integrity.
- Trump is accusing his caddies of getting caught cheating for him on purpose, and is now withholding their pay.
- Trump says he will sue any media company that reports on the “Trumpvilles” beginning to be built outside major cities to house people affected by his plummeting job numbers and tariff instability.
- The porn-monitoring app that Speaker Mike Johnson uses with his son to alert each other when they look at pornography just overtook Grindr as the #1 gay hookup app, with several users comparing its functionality to “putting out a Bat-Signal when you’re horny.”
- Trump is reportedly worried he’s going to be blackmailed by some of the FBI agents who were assigned to fill a spreadsheet full of the hundreds of times it appeared in the Epstein files.
- Trump claims he’s praying for Ghislaine Maxwell, and he’ll pardon her if God tells him she has repented enough.
- A 6th grader on a White House tour today reportedly asked Trump, “You’re just going to incite chaos with ICE to try and distract everyone from how your tariffs aren’t working, you can’t get any trade deals, and the Epstein cover-up makes you look terrible, aren’t you?”
- Ghislaine Maxwell now claims Donald Trump converted her to Christianity, baptized her, and convinced God to forgive her of her Epstein sins.
- Trump has reportedly demanded that the Space Force build a Trump Hotel on the moon by 2030.
- A Fox News host claims Trump was never the host of any sex-trafficking parties, and was only ever Jeffrey Epstein’s plus-one.
- Trump reportedly spend 3 hours this morning picking out the golf trophy for next month’s Mar-a-Lago Classic, and he ultimately chose one design that featured himself but slim and fit.
- Trump says because of his “big Trump brain” his administration doesn’t need to make any spreadsheets of budgets, or guidelines of rules set in stone by the law and specifically enumerated responsibilities.
- Trump has reportedly changed his mind on wind turbines after one company started painting the letters “T-R-U-M-P” on every group of five.
- North Korea is breaking ground on Trump’s first golf course in Asia today as a thank you from Kim Jong Un for not doing anything about his nuclear weapons.
- A new poll found that 82% of Americans find Trump’s grand ballroom design gaudy, ugly, and bad architectural taste. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 
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