Donald Trump Fails A Cognitive Test

Photo (cropped) by History in HD on Unsplash

Join my comedic rebellion against Trumpism — subscribe to support my satire for just $2.50 a month. Never stop laughing at the fascists.

The following are things Donald Trump doesn’t know:

How the nuclear triad works.
Why Ukrainians hate the Russians so much.
Whether we fought the Nazis or the British in the Civil War.
Why America ever gave women the right to vote.
What the problem with incest is when so many pharaohs, kings, and emperors have done it.
If New Mexico is an American state or a Mexican state.
What the difference is between Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act.
Why everyone throws a fit if you try to blackmail a foreign country by withholding military aid until the country’s leader gives you manufactured dirt on your political opponent.
Where in the Constitution it says the president doesn’t have the power to use the military to arrest his political opponents.
The difference between Catholics and Protestants.
What the difference is between global warming and climate change.
How to correctly pronounce China instead of “GY-nah”
How windmills work, or why they exist.
Why, if global warming exists, all the ice cream in the world hasn’t melted.
Why Christians like Jesus if he died. (He once told Mike Pence, “I like messiahs who DON’T get crucified”).
Why Christians think God is pro-life after God destroyed almost all of humanity with the Flood.
Why incest is “unfairly banned” in America if several incidents of incestual love are recorded in the Bible (his favorite is Genesis 19:34)
Why Abraham Lincoln didn’t take the South’s slaves for himself, make himself dictator, and become the richest person in human history.
Why the North was so against slavery.
Why George Washington would voluntarily give up power after only two terms, and not rip up the Constitution and make himself dictator.
Why John Adams would willingly be the first incumbent president to lose an election and give up power.
Why Harry Truman didn’t take the opportunity in the 4-year window while only he wielded nuclear launch codes to threaten every country, nuke a couple capital cities to show he’ll do it, and make himself dictator of the entire world.
Who Bill is, the guy from the Bill of Rights.
How people in previous centuries ever thought any of the First Ladies and First Daughters prior to the 1950s were good looking, because they look plain at best and hideous at worst in those dark contrast, black and white photos with their big, cumbersome dresses not showing any skin at all.
Why Stephen Miller has requested from him the privilege to do medical experiments on his body after he dies.
Why he’s supposed to not like Putin just because Putin throws people out of windows and wants to conquer Eastern Europe.
If anyone knows or has seen which of his phone numbers are in Jeffrey Epstein’s black book so he knows which phones to destroy and bury.
How he ever let himself ruin his awesome, simple, relaxing life of winning his own golf tournaments, cheating on his wife with apathetic pornstars, shushing sexual assault victims with hundreds of thousands of dollars and non-disclosure agreements, and getting paid to pretend to be a real billionaire on TV.
Which character from the Old Testament Moses is, which one Noah is, and which of the two of them got to bang Cleopatra. 🥃

☕️ My Dadaist graffiti news comedy fights fascism. Become a paid subscriber for only $2.50/month and help me relentlessly mock Donald Trump and his administration’s fascist tendencies.

Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated and amped to think up jokes about MAGA world!

If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years and Satire In The Biden Years, available on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Kobo. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.

I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.

Because our social media platforms are being scrambled up by oligarchs, if you like my humor, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Twitter, Bluesky, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.