Hospitals Are Giving MAGA Hats To Everyone Who Loses Their Health Insurance

• A rural hospital in California is handing out MAGA hats to every patient who loses their healthcare coverage because of GOP budget cuts.
• Several D.C. based artists are reportedly displaying dozens of small statues and graffiti depictions of Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein holding hands all over the National Mall.
• Protesters are again parading in front of the White House in Satan costumes following Trump’s repeated musings that he won’t get into Heaven.
• Trump claims this is “Joe Biden’s shutdown.”
• A company that makes Stephen Miller Halloween costumes just sold out in one day because of how creepy he is.
• Pete Hegseth shared with all the generals an AI video of Donald Trump demonstrating the military fitness standards doing pushups, pull ups, and burpee squat jumps.
• A petition asking Stephen Miller’s wife to never describe their home or sex life ever again now has 136 million signatures.
• War Department officials reportedly keep giving Pete Hegseth water bottles filled with tequila and vodka hoping he relapses and goes on a bender that forces Trump to fire him.
• Democrats are reportedly offering Donald Trump a deal where, if he makes JD Vance resign and then appoints Kamala Harris as his VP before resigning himself, they won’t release the Epstein Files.
• The marketing teams of several gay dating apps are reportedly working together to proliferate new Rapture rumors because of how much traffic they get every time Christians think the world is about to end.
• Eric Trump is reportedly pissed his dad is helping Barron pull off alleged insider trading on crypto trades because every time he gets tips from his dad he ends up losing money.
• Stephen Miller is reportedly worried Trump will stroke out and resign before he gets to do any medical testing in their concentration camps.
• Chuck Grassley, 91 years old, has opened up invites for his previously exclusive GOP coke orgies to everyone in Congress, and says he wants “to eat as much ass as the farming state senators used to eat in the 50s.”
• Local QAnon followers say the conspiracies around the Jeffrey Epstein files just aren’t as much fun since it became obvious Trump has a starring role in them.
• Mike Johnson is reportedly worried Trump will arrest him and send him to a concentration camp if the discharge petition to release the Epstein Files gets through the House.
• Ivanka Trump spoke to the Female Empowerment Convention today, and said her family has been creating thousands of jobs for women for generations going back to when her great grandfather Friedrich Trump ran a brothel during the Canadian Gold Rush.
• Staffers at the White House say Trump is making everyone promise to nominate him for a posthumous Nobel Peace Prize next year in case he dies.
• Florida Republicans say schools should censor images of the Founding Fathers in their textbooks so that Washington, Jefferson, Franklin and others aren’t shown wearing high heels, stockings, long-haired wigs, makeup, or any other transgender-adjacent details.
• Pete Hegseth is reportedly going to unveil a new military policy next week that gives free erectile dysfunction medicine to soldiers so their bulges look bigger and more intimidating.
• RFK Jr. is reportedly calling for building subterranean cities to avoid the harmful solar radiation, leaving some public health officials wondering if that’s the brain worm talking.
• Trump’s Secret Service codename is reportedly “Fartacus.” 🥃

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