Stephen Miller’s ICE Policy Memos Had White Stains All Over Them

Credit: Gage Skidmore | gageskidmore.com | via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

The Trump Administration’s draconian policies on ICE enforcement of immigration were authored by executive adviser Stephen Miller, and were reported to have been jerked off on by Mr. Miller before submitting them to the Department of Justice for review.

“I had to handle these policy reports, and let me just say that I very nearly quit that day,” explained a White House aide requesting anonymity to candidly discuss his or her absolute disgust in seeing the condition of the stacks of papers churning out from Mr. Miller’s office. “There were stains all over the paragraphs, sometimes so many that the wording of the policies was indecipherable. Xenophobic, racist policies apparently really get Stephen off.”

An anonymous staffer from the Department of Justice who witnessed the condition of the policy reports agreed with that assessment.

“The policy paper recommending that the Trump Administration use states’ National Guard troops to invade other states’ cities was so crusty and full of Stephen’s ejaculate that it broke in half. Think about that. It was five pieces of paper stapled together, and I saw it literally break in half. Stephen Miller is a real fucked up guy.”

The Halfway Post reached out to Mr. Miller for a comment, but his secretary would only inform us that he was busy in his office with his “Do not disturb” sign hanging on his door handle, which meant he was busy drafting new immigration policies.

“When he’s got his sign flipped to ‘Do not disturb,’ it means he’s hard at government work,” explained Miller’s elderly and oblivious secretary Doris Hannigan. “Sometimes he’s working so hard that I hear groans coming from behind his door. Let me tell you, that boy has some energy for public policy! And when he finally comes out he says he’s ravenously hungry. He’s a very polite boy. I’m trying to set him up with my granddaughter, Denise. I think they’d make a fine match, and I think Stephen agrees. When I told him about Denise he asked for some pictures of her pretending to be dead. Kind of an odd request, but Denise was a good sport about it. When Stephen saw them he said she looked quite appetizing.” 🥃

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