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- ICE recruitment is reportedly plummeting while dozens of agents with far-right views and past neo-Nazi associations are quitting weekly due to concern that Trump is compromised and owned by Israel, with one agent explaining, “That’s not the fascism I signed up for!”
- Republicans are accusing Nancy Mace of “betraying family values” with her resolution to reveal all of Congress’s sexual harassment settlements because of how many divorces it will cause.
- Federal judges are keeping “Karma Lists” of every person who dies in ICE custody along with notes about their unconstitutional mistreatment for the inevitable trials of Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem when Democrats take over and investigate DHS so they don’t feel bad about giving maximum prison sentences to all the Trump staffers who have flagrantly violated America’s inalienable, God-given civil rights enshrined by the Constitution they swore oaths to follow.
- A top Republican says he opposes Nancy Mace’s resolution to reveal all the sexual harassment lawsuits Congress has paid out because he’s a “family values guy,” and he’d “hate to see so many families break up” when members’ wives find out their husbands are creeps.
- Howard Lutnik, Pam Bondi, and Kash Patel, and Donald Trump have reportedly all threatened each other, “If I go down for the Epstein Files, I’m taking you with me!”
- The Russian transcripts the UK intercepted that prove Putin and the Russians laugh at Trump behind his back also reportedly describe him as “the perfect dupe for manipulation because he’s stupid, incurious, greedy, narcissistic, and a pedophile pervert so he’s the jackpot patsy to compromise and exploit.”
- A top GOP official admitted that Republicans in Congress are refusing to investigate the Epstein Files because so many people involved have suspiciously died and they’re afraid, and also Trump keeps threatening to tank everyone’s reelection campaigns, and also they just don’t want to retire and give up the benefits and insider trading benefits of being in Congress.
- Trump is reportedly worried his plan to claim the Chinese interfered in previous elections and then nationalize the vote counting in the midterms to rig them will fail because he doesn’t have enough Epstein blackmail on the GOP governors and their secretaries of state like he has on his cabinet secretaries and members of Congress.
- Top Republicans are admitting that their deposition of the Clintons backfired and were “giant whiffs,” that it’s painfully obvious the Oversight Committee is grasping at straws to avoid investigating Trump, and that Chairman James Comer “might have a mental disability or impairment” to think that the depositions were a good idea.
- Chinese officials reportedly laughed so hard they cried when they heard Trump claim China hacked US elections to hurt him because, as one official explained, “No one is doing more to destroy American hegemony than Donald J. Trump! In fact, we’re behind some of the biggest MAGA social media accounts pushing for Trump to rip up the Constitution and run for a third term!”
- Trump reportedly called Pakistan and Afghanistan this morning and told them to give him a heads up when they decide to stop bombing each other so he can add them to his list of wars he stopped.
- JD Vance and Marco Rubio are reportedly depressed because they know Trump bombing Iran for Israel will turn into a clusterf*ck that infuriates the electorally essential America-First and neo-Nazi wings of the GOP base, essentially wrecking both of their 2028 presidential dreams.
- Trump is reportedly pissed that female Republicans in the House are very close to revealing all the men for whom Congress has paid tax dollars to settle sexual harassment lawsuits because those dirty secrets are some of his best blackmail to keep Congress docile.
- Benjamin Netanyahu was just awarded, 10 months early, 2026’s “Psychopath of the Year” medal for wagging the US and the Sunni Gulf States into war with a nation 9x bigger populationally than itself.
- GOP pollster: “Trump started a new war, which he promised he wouldn’t do, to hide the Epstein Files, which he promised he’d reveal, and Congress is legally required to be involved in both, but they’re all impotent cucks. I can’t think of any reason why anyone should vote for us.”
- Trump is reportedly pissed everyone is giving Netanyahu and Israel credit for this war.
- Mike Johnson is reportedly yelling at his staff to turn off all TVs and computers in his office because he wants to take a few days telling reporters, “I haven’t seen or heard the news about Iran” so he won’t have to comment on why Congress is not involved at all.
- A growing number of angry protesters are demonstrating outside the DOJ and refusing to leave until Pam Bondi explains why both Trump administrations interfered in and obstructed justice in New Mexico’s investigation into credible allegations of murders at Zorro Ranch.
- Fox News almost reported on how the President made no plans to evacuate US embassies or citizens in the Middle East, didn’t prep enough defensive munitions for a prolonged escalation of Iranian bombings, and isn’t coordinating with our allies so that three US jets were friendly-fired, but then Fox remembered the President isn’t a Democrat.
- In a moment of rare candor two days before Trump started bombing Iran, during the Iranian nuclear negotiations an Iranian diplomat reportedly said about Jared Kushner, “Why the f*ck is this nepo baby in-law here in the room with us? What does he know about nuclear physics? What does he know about Shia Islam? Isn’t he too busy planning the ethnic cleansing of Gaza to be here? Isn’t he too swamped strategizing how to all but enslave Gazans to build and service his ‘Gazan Riviera’ luxury hotels, resorts, and other delusions of grandeur? Doesn’t managing the $2 billion in blood money he received from the Saudis for helping MBS pull off his family coup and sweep the butchering of a journalist under the rug take too much attention to divert any here? Surely figuring out how to rob the Gazans of what little they have left is a full time job! What can this scrawny nobody who inherited his wealth, and was silver-spooned every job he ever got, possibly contribute to these peace negotiations? He doesn’t even speak for America. What is his official government role? He’s an Israeli asset overseeing a money laundering network of Israeli, Gulf States, and Trump family bribes across the Middle East. He is orchestrating an Israeli hijacking of US policy and military control because Mossad has tapes of his father-in-law raping children and can’t tell Benjamin Netanyahu ‘no.’ These negotiations are a farce as long as this self-dealing saboteur of American foreign policy sits at the table.”
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
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The Halfway Post 