Vice President Mike Pence may be the most devoutly evangelical Vice President America has ever had, but his religious beliefs stand in contrast to the apparent lack of religious self-examination in President Donald Trump.
Several aides close to Mr. Pence have told The Halfway Post in anonymous background conversations that the VP is beginning to suspect Mr. Trump has not actually ever read the Bible.
“Mike is super serious about the Bible,” explained a VP office staffer, “And he’s told me that he has conducted several, subtle pop quizzes for the President, asking questions referencing important Bible figures, and that the President has failed every one. Mike told me the other day that he asked Trump who his favorite Bible character was, and that Trump answered ‘that one guy Job,” but pronounced it like the word for employment. Then Pence shared with the President that his favorite inspiration was Noah, and Trump said he had never heard of Noah, or a flood, or an ark. One time Trump tried to argue with Pence that Paul, John and Luke couldn’t actually be in the Bible because their names were American, and not Jewish. Pence told me when he heard all this he started seriously thinking that Trump had probably never even opened a Bible, and Pence was horrified to think that he had believed Trump when the President claimed he had memorized the entire Bible. Mike feels a bit betrayed. The only story Pence has ever heard Trump reference was the story of Lot, and only because Trump said he thought it was hot that Lot’s daughters would get him drunk and have sex with him. He said he could relate to that Bible story.”
Another VP aide explained that Pence has been very frustrated with Trump’s lack of interest in praying together.
“Mike is always asking Trump if they can hold hands together and pray over things like meals, and bill signings, and ‘just because’ moments, but Trump never wants to pray. He always acts creeped out when Pence asks. Trump says he does his praying at night, but Pence knows that he’s up tweeting for hours, and not praying… and certainly not attempting to be humble or learn from any mistakes he made that day. Sometimes Trump claims that he prays while in the bathroom, but occasionally Pence will put his ear to the door and try to listen to what Trump is supposedly praying for, and Pence can hear that Trump is just watching porn on his phone. But its crazy because Pence wants to give Trump the benefit of the doubt so bad, so he tries every day to catch even just a glimpse of Trump’s faith in and love of redemption through Christ in order to take it as a sign from God that Pence is ultimately doing something good by serving in such a wildly corrupt and morally humiliating administration. Pence really needs a sign, you know? But in the last year and a half of serving in the White House, Pence has not detected even the faintest signal that Trump believes in a higher power than himself. It’s really f***ing with Pence’s head.”
(Picture courtesy of the White House.)