Mike Pence Is Beginning To Suspect From Context Clues That Donald Trump Has Never Read The Bible

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Washington D.C.—

Vice President Mike Pence may be the most devoutly Evangelical vice president America has ever had, and his religious beliefs stand in sharp contrast to the apparent lack of religious self-examination in President Donald Trump.

Several aides close to Mr. Pence have told The Halfway Post in anonymous conversations that the VP is beginning to suspect Mr. Trump has not actually ever read the Bible.

“Mike is super serious about the Bible,” explained a VP office staffer, “and he’s told me how he has conducted several, subtle pop quizzes for the President, asking questions referencing important Bible figures, and that the President has failed every one. Mike told me he asked Trump who his favorite Bible character was, and Trump answered ‘that one guy Job,’ but pronounced it like the word for employment. Later, when Pence referenced the names of the authors of the Gospels, Trump tried to argue that Paul, John and Luke couldn’t have been in the Bible because their names were ‘American,’ and not ‘Jewish.’ Mike told me he has started seriously thinking Trump has probably never even opened a Bible, and that he was horrified to think he had believed Trump when the President claimed he had memorized the entire Bible during their first meeting when Trump was thinking about selecting him as his VP to shore up Evangelical support. Mike feels a bit used.”

Another VP aide explained that Pence has been frustrated with Trump’s lack of interest in praying together.

“Mike is always asking Trump if they can hold hands together and pray over things like meals, and bill signings, and ‘just because’ moments, but Trump always acts creeped out when Pence asks. Trump claims he prays at night, but Pence knows that he’s up tweeting insults, and certainly not attempting to be humble or reflect on the day’s mistakes. Trump says he prays while in the bathroom, but occasionally Pence will put his ear to the door and try to listen to what Trump is supposedly praying for, and Pence can hear that Trump is just watching porn audibly on his phone. Pence wants to give Trump the benefit of the doubt so badly, but Trump gives him no help. The other day Trump said he had never heard of Noah, and it must have been true because that night at a campaign rally Trump mentioned how ‘a lot of people don’t know this, but there was a giant flood many years ago.’ I feel bad for Mike.”

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(Picture courtesy of the White House.)

30 thoughts

  1. Vice President Pence is too good a Christian. to try judging, evaluating, criticizing President’s Trump Faith or lack thereof. This is obviously “Fake News”….
    Anyone In the world of Faith has noticed many wonderful moments leaving no d’ou t that President Trump is a man of Faith.

    1. I do not believe VP Pence ever said any of that garbage either. Matter of fact, this Fake news is breaking a Commandment of giving a false witness! I hardly think our VP has his ear to the bathroom door! Don’t these lying, liberal “reporters” ever tire of their own BS?-!!

      1. Right up at the top: A Gazette Of Halfway Real Satirical News.

        Leave it to Republicans to only read bits and pieces before declaring it fake when they read something they don’t agree with. Of course it’s fake news you simpleton, it says so right at the top. The stupidity of these people are absolutely astounding.

    2. Hahaha what? Pick a sin. Sloth, lust, gluttony, pride, wrath, greed, envy? I’m fairly certain that orange idiot covers all those daily and has no remorse. Find me one good thing he’s done that youd consider moral

  2. Once again fake news by the butthurt liberals!!! The title halfway post pretty much says it all!! … I am so proud to say I am not one of these liberal idiots…, and who has ever heard of the halfway post anyway?? This has fake written all over it but I wouldn’t expect anything else!! I am proud to say that Donald J Trump is my president and that Mike Pence is my vice president and they are striving to make America great again 🙂 🙂

  3. satire
    ˈsatʌɪə/ Sa-ti-er
    noun
    the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Just for you bunch of gullable idiots who didn’t get this.

  4. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha, you guys are fuckin idiots if you’re all butthurt by this. It’s satire. You guys don’t have 3 and a half brain cells to rub together, and you voted for this idiot. Definitely MAGA!!

  5. I’m right-wing. A lot of the articles here seem like dumb liberal trash humor, but this one was pretty good. Well done.

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